See Jack (the Giant Slayer) run, fail

It seems that this year’s B-movie list has been a bit more exhausting than usual. We’ve gotten an overdose of pretty much everything you could ask for, with special attention paid towards the inane and the gratuitously violent — “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” fits both categories remarkably well.

From “X-Men” director Bryan Singer,  “Jack the Giant Slayer” lies at the end of it all. It’s a delightful, though predictable, take on the old English folktale. It succeeds mostly because its actors, namely the formidable Ewan McGregor and Stanley Tucci. Also featured are the lovely Eleanor Tomlinson and, back from the dead of “Warm Bodies,” Nicholas Hoult, who is shaping up to be a contender as this year’s teen film lover boy. They have more fun with their roles than anyone else.

The film opens with the young Jack being read a bedtime story by his father. Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the kingdom, the young princess Isabelle (Tomlinson) is being read same story by her mother. We get most of the future plot here: following an ancient and terrible war with the giants, the King smelts himself a crown that dictates the wearer’s sovereignty over the monsters. He then casts the giants back into their kingdom — a tangled, floating mass that looks sort of like a clump of moss, and cuts down the bean stalk from whence they came.

Flash forward 10 years. Jack is a pauper and a dreamer. His head is, so to speak, always in the clouds. In these reside the beautiful princess, whom Jack sees in town and of course, instantly falls in love with. Lucky for him, she’s strong-willed. Resisting the protection of her well-meaning father and his intention to marry her to the beaver-toothed Roderick (Tucci), she flees from his clutches into a dark and stormy night (inspiration for this relationship can be found in every Disney movie from the 90s).

Here she meets Jack and the two flirt, accidentally spill some magic beans and manage to get the princess stuck “halfway up to heaven.” Religious themes and ideas about true human destiny are hinted at vaguely for the first quarter of the film before being inexplicably dropped. A vein of British nationalism is likewise introduced in the final quarter of the film.

We’ve got a rescue mission on our hands now. Call in the royal guard, who are really not much more than a bunch of armor-plated peacocks. Their chief is Elmont (McGregor),  whose impeccably-styled hair and blatant attempts at English-ness — no one really says “tallyho” — combine both the flair and looks of a skinnier Kenneth Branagh with GQ-level grooming. He’s the most fun to watch, if only because he looks damned spiffy in tight leather. Tucci takes second place. The actor, savoring his villainous role, is nevertheless careful not to overdo the wickedness when he takes command of the ancient crown and begins bossing the giants around.

As for the giants, they’re a bore more than anything else and come equipped with all the standard grotesqueries: burping, farting, booger eating, etc. Their ample fight scenes, along with the sprawling castles, also borrow too much from “The Lord of the Rings” to look like anything other than unoriginal, expensive special effects.

But the picture can still be entertaining while being droll. However, if you do get bored by, say, the humdrum-ness of the dialogue, try your hand at guessing the line before the character can say it, or try and pick out repeated plot motifs before they reoccur — it’s not that hard.

Or just wait for another look at McGregor’s gorgeous moustache.