For better or worse

In Egypt, the one cultural aspect that remains most different from American culture is dating.

Dating in Egypt bears next to no resemblance to dating in the States.

A few girls here have started dating Egyptians. Every time, all of us are left with questions and confusion, because it’s hard for us to wrap our heads around the
differences.

The easiest way to explain it is that it’s like going back in time to high school.
For many Egyptians, the first time they’re allowed to interact with the opposite sex without supervision is at university, so the time lag makes sense.

Genders here are, for the most part, strictly segregated throughout public schooling.

It’s kind of like a game, more so than in the States. A male Egyptian friend of mine told me it’s a struggle for power in the relationship. The guy will call and call and call, and the girl isn’t supposed to answer most of the time. Then he’ll just stop to test you.
 
In Egypt, when you date or before dating, the guy will call the girl every day after school. You’ll talk on Facebook, using as many emotions as you can possibly jam into one conversation. Grand gestures are big here, so guys will write gushing notes about their feelings or show up at the dorm saying they “have to see you right now.”

Just a few weeks ago, a stranger gave us a love note for a girl inside our dorm, begging us to bring it to her, although we’d never met either of them.

Subjects like religion or family are brought up early on in order to make sure nothing conflicts. As most of us here are not Muslim, and most Egyptians are Muslim, that can get awkward really fast.

You go on dates. You hold hands. At some point, you kiss.
 
But a kiss here means so much more than a kiss in America.

I think most IU students would agree that kisses and even more-than-kisses aren’t of much value to the average college student. In the States, you can kiss someone and never see them again if you want to.

Here, a kiss can often be a contract to date that person.

Of course, it’s better than some other Middle Eastern countries.

In Saudi Arabia, for example, there are no movie theaters. Why? There’s no way to keep genders separated in a dark theater, and they’re afraid young couples might get frisky once the lights dim.

None of us know how far relationships can be pushed here. Can you kiss? When do you kiss? If you kiss, are you automatically dating?

We’ve had to almost unlearn the things that college has taught us about dating.
 
I know the hardest thing for me to do has been to operate under strict and separate gender roles.

For example, a few weeks ago I was at a bar with a guy. We were talking, but then he looked past me at another guy and started going off in rapid-fire Arabic. The only part I caught was, “I don’t want there to be a problem.”

Once he was done, I asked him what happened.

“He was looking at you, when you are clearly with me,” he said.

I replied, “I am not ‘with’ you.”

“No, I know,” he said. “But because you are physically with me right now, it’s my job to defend you.”

I literally could not, in the moment, think of a response to that.

Some of the girls here like it.

As a friend of mine said, “I don’t want to like it, but I have to admit, it’s kind of nice.”
Personally, I can’t make up my mind.

It grates against everything I’ve come to believe about gender roles, sexuality and relationships in general. It’s so constricting and narrow-minded.

On the other hand, there’s a level of respect in the relationships here that I have rarely seen in the States. I can’t decide if it is truly respectful or if it’s just demeaning to females.

In the realm of romantic relations especially, I am all for liberalism and gender equality, more so perhaps than some people. I just keep reminding myself that it’s different here.
 
Just as much as the food or the societal structure is strange to us, so are the
dating habits.

Whether for better or worse, it’s just different.