Stupid Questions Do Exist

Once upon a time in an education boardroom far too close to home, a group of teachers and administrators gathered to discuss how to mislead the youth.

The most handsome of the group, a smelly toad-man with rakes for arms, proclaimed that there were no stupid questions.

He claimed that any question asked was asked to gain more knowledge.

He further claimed that the apprehension of more knowledge, despite its simplicity, was the basis of all education.

The idea was a hit and the terrible rake-monster was awarded a gift card to Macy’s, where it bought lipsticks and fuzzy hats.

However, the rest of the world was infected by an overwhelming increase of stupid questions that will never, ever end.

Ever.

Stupid, as in lacking of intelligence or common sense, is a perfectly appropriate adjective for a plethora of different questions. 

Here’s why.

All questions reveal information on the asker.

This information, be it assumptions, ignorance or evidence of a professional background, can logically be interpreted as stupid. This is especially true if revealed in the wrong situation to the wrong people.

In other words, everything is relative, questions included. 

For example:

In a crowded Wafflehouse in Payette, Idaho, I was once asked loudly, by what can only be described as a mud-river mama “Ain’t there lots of them blacks out there?” in reference to Indiana.

This is a perfect example for a stupid question.

It does three stupid things:

1.    It reveals the asker’s limited understanding of grammar.
2.    It exposes the asker’s own ridiculous belief that it’s okay to refer to an entire race of people like they’re a nasty flavor of
Jellybean.
3.    It was asked to a complete stranger, in front of complete strangers.

Of course racism, a synonym of ignorance, is easy to attack, but rest assured there are many other stupid questions like asking police officers personal questions or philosophy majors political questions.

Or asking the same question repeatedly like, “Do we have to use a condom?  Are you sure? Do we have to use it?”

Trust me, the answer doesn’t change and it makes you look stupid.

If your professor this week encourages your class to participate by claiming that there are no stupid questions, tell him/her that they’re perpetuating an overgeneralized idealism that is as absolute as it is far from the truth.

Then, ask them if they’ve ever paid to be spanked.

­— ktgragg@indiana.edu