Author talks consent, sexual awareness

Waving around a plastic bottle of water, feminist author Jaclyn Friedman spoke about the commodity model — a heteronormative transaction in which women are expected to protect their sexuality while men are encouraged to pursue it — Tuesday evening in Woodburn Hall.

“The bottle is my lady sex — an unopened, untouched object, not my body,” she said.   

Friedman is the coeditor of “Yes Means Yes” and the author of “What Women Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety.”

A popular speaker traveling to numerous campuses around the country, Friedman has been featured in Jezebel, CNN and the Washington Post speaking on behalf of women’s rights, sexual awareness and feminist issues.

Friedman was sexually assaulted in college, believing she was too smart to be sexually assaulted until it happened.

“Sex should be a conversation,” Friedman said. “It is hard to talk openly because we live in such a commodity world where men know everything about women and what we want.”   

As a beginning event of the IU Student Association’s Culture of Care Week, the auditorium, plastered with fliers, posters and ribbons, was packed with young women. 

Sophomore Jayne Fortner said she found the talk interesting in light of the current debate surrounding the fate of the Office of Women’s Affairs.

Friedman addressed issues of sexual activities including consent, the effects of alcohol and how to engage in relationships in a smart, healthy way.

“Who would like to have sex with people who are actively into it?” she asked.

Her concept of enthusiastic consent grants girls permission to engage in safe sex without getting locked into it.

“It is not a light switch,” Friedman said. “It is not once you say ‘yes,’ then you can’t back out. Instead, sex should be like synchronized swimming.”

Friedman compared the water to consent, with a person always being surrounded by it and not being able to continue if his or her partner is not with him or her the whole time.

Friedman also spoke about the importance of being able to talk about sex with your partner. Her list of rules include using your strengths, being confident and practicing discussing sex beforehand.

By not being able to talk about sex, you are sending yourself a dangerous message that your feelings and beliefs do not matter, she said.

“Her lecture was inspiring because she uses dialogue we don’t normally have on subjects we don’t normally talk about,” said Colleen Leahy, member of the IU Division of Student Affairs and IDS opinion columnist.

Mixing humor, sarcasm and some swear words, Friedman advocated her views and advice about serious subjects.

“I am pro-sex. I want everyone to have great, safe sex or no sex, if they choose,” she said. “I want people to know all of their opinions, because honestly, sex is wicked cool.”