YMCMBad

I promised myself that I would never write this column.

It’s too personal while simultaneously too meaningless. It’s not about anything remotely important.

Today, kids, I’m going to write about how much I hate Lil Wayne, Nicki Minaj and the rest of Young Money.

My decision to write this column comes in part from a serious lack of other column ideas, the best of which was an ode to the phrase “crow poop splattering on the sidewalk” in last Friday’s Indiana Daily Student.

But mostly, it comes from the events of last weekend.

Grammy weekend is normally a weekend I enjoy. However, with the exclusion of Kanye West’s masterpiece “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” from the Album of the Year category, I boycotted the Grammys this year.

West and Jay-Z were also absent, which is not to say I was invited and declined to attend. I just didn’t watch them.

The night before the show, however, I noticed an awful blurb of news: After a long speech at a pre-Grammy party, Lil Wayne took the opportunity to diss West and Jay-Z’s collaborative “Watch the Throne.”

The saddest fact here is Wayne’s experience with “Watch The Throne,” according to VIBE: “I haven’t heard the album. I’ll probably never hear the album.”

You see, “Watch the Throne” was competing for Rap Album of the Year against Wayne’s bloated, depressing letdown of a sequel to 2008’s fantastic “Tha Carter III.”

“Tha Carter IV” was, with the exclusion of one or two songs, pitiful and almost universally reviled by human beings with ears.

The low point of the album was when Weezy actually threatened to kidnap Beyoncé. At the end of it all, one is left wishing they’d instead purchased an instrumental album of crow poop splattering on the sidewalk.

Next up is Nicki Minaj. People on the internet tell me I’m lucky I skipped the Grammys because I didn’t have to watch Nicki dance with the Pope or something.

At least she didn’t perform her most recent single, which is titled “Stupid Hoe.” The song is, well, stupid. It sets culture back a million years.

The video is so bad it was banned from BET with some lame excuse about it being “too explicit.” I think Human Rights Watch recently declared “Stupid Hoe” a crime against humanity, pursuant to the Geneva Convention.

But that’s the modus operandi at Lil Wayne’s label, Young Money. Intellectual depth is the antithesis to the crew that gave us “Bedrock.” Instead they have a woman marketing herself to tween girls with bright colors while saying the words “Stupid Hoe” 400 times per second.

Here’s the worst part of it all. Carter IV’s sales destroyed the sales of “Watch the Throne.” Minaj’s “Pink Friday” outsold West’s “Fantasy.”

Sometimes, I guess, the crow poop of life splatters on your sidewalk.

­— shlumorg@indiana.edu