So you want to start a metal band: What's your genre?

So, you’ve decided to start a metal band, but you can’t decide which sub-genre of metal is right for your skill set and/or mental state. That is where I come in. As a metal aficionado, I can walk you through some of the more common styles of metal you will experience in your search for the ideal fit.

Traditional Heavy Metal
If you want the chance to get played on mainstream rock stations, then you’d best stick with the classics. Make sure your guitar players can play a decent classical or blues solo and that your singer can belt out some high notes on command. Lyrically, you had better stick with sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll. Satanism is optional.
Required listening: Iron Maiden, “The Number of the Beast”

Thrash Metal
If you’ve got some kind of political or social beef, then you’d best play thrash metal. Just make sure whomever you’ve got on guitar and drums can play relentlessly fast. Singing your lyrics is absolutely not required; shouting them will do just fine.
Required listening: Slayer, “Raining Blood”

Death Metal
So, you’re attracted to the speed of thrash metal, but you think that having decipherable vocals is overrated? You’re in luck. Death metal is probably perfect for you. Feel free to make your lyrics as disgusting and gore-filled as you want. Just make sure the album cover has zombies or lifeless corpses doing weird things to each other, so people can guess what the songs are about.
Required listening: Cannibal Corpse, “Hammer Smashed Face”

Black Metal
If you want to play black metal, it might take some work. First, get all of your band members to paint themselves black and white. Next, make sure all of your lyrics reflect Satanism in some way. You don’t have to convert, but trust me, having an aura of absolute evil surrounding you at all times is crucial. Finally, go to Norway and burn a church. You will be black metal legends in no time.
Required listening: Mayhem, “Freezing Moon”

Power Metal
Can you play really fast and loud? Can you sing really high and hold notes for a ridiculously long time? Do you only want to write songs about dragons and “The Lord of the Rings”? Then power metal is definitely the sub-genre for you.
Required listening: Blind Guardian, “Valhalla”

Groove Metal
Contrary to the name, you probably won’t want to dance to this music. If you want to play groove metal, you’ll have to play thrash metal, only slow it down, add more chugging riffs, and pretend Exhorder didn’t come up with it first.
Required listening: Pantera, “Cowboys From Hell”

Melodic Death Metal
If you want to play death metal but your drummer can’t handle the constant blast beats, you just have to make it a little more melodic. Your guitarists should probably know some classical riffs, and you may want to make the lyrics less violent. Ideally, you are also from Sweden.
Required listening: At the Gates, “Slaughter of the Soul”

Prog Metal
Suppose you found an excellent musician for your band, but he doesn’t want to play metal. That’s fine. You can use prog metal to placate him. Throw in elements from literally any other type of music, such as jazz or psychedelic, and you’ll have music theory students singing your praises in no time. Just be prepared for ridiculously long songs. We’re talking more than 15 minutes. You’ve got to have somewhere to put all that variety.
Required listening: Opeth, “Bleak”

Folk Metal
If you already play in a band that can play power metal or melodic death metal, then the transition to becoming a folk metal band is really simple. Just find a few friends who can play violin, mandolin, horns or bagpipes and get them to play over your song. It’s that easy. Except if your songs aren’t about Vikings or mythology, then the lyrics and vocals might need some tweaking.
Required listening: Finntroll, “Trollhammaren”

Sludge Metal
For this one, we are going to slow way down. Distort the crap out of your guitars and smoke a load of weed. You are now ready to write a sludge metal song.
Required listening: Eyehategod, “Ruptured Heart Theory”

Metalcore
You might need two vocalists to play metalcore. At least one member of the band has to be able to carry a tune, but the rest can scream all they want. Also, practice your breakdowns, as at least 95 percent of your songs will include them. If you are a good metalcore band, you’ll know how to use your breakdowns wisely. But if you are shooting for the Christian market, then you’ll want to throw them in about every five seconds or so.
Required listening: Killswitch Engage, “Rose of Sharyn”

Congratulations! You are now ready to start your own metal band. That is, unless you wanted to start a screamo band and thought that metal was the same thing. In that case, you have just completely wasted my time.