Mean girls (and boys)

Kids grow up so fast these days.

Gone is the era of adorable first-graders who play harmoniously together at recess. Instead, we’re raising a generation of mean-spirited kids who bully and tease.

Part of the problem is biological. As the average age of onset of puberty inches ever younger, children are dealing with the effects of hormones earlier. Girls often mature earlier than boys.

In addition, modern culture presents a different view of the world to today’s kids than even my generation saw. Behaviors that would have been taboo during our parents’ generation are now considered normal.

The movie “Mean Girls” presents an intense view of high school cliques. Tina Fey, the film’s writer and co-star, saw this comedy film in a different light, saying, “It’s much too close to [young girls’] real experiences so they are not exactly guffawing.” What older generations interpret as humor, young people see as the harsh truth.

When I worked at a day camp for elementary school students this past summer, I was appalled by the behavior among some of the kids.

“Boyfriend” drama was common with first graders, and we dealt with numerous crying children daily due to bullying.

My coworkers and I received many hours of training on how to deal with bad behavior, but all of these workshops proved unhelpful when it came to dealing with teasing and mocking that occurred out of our range of sight. When we cracked down, they improvised. Restroom breaks became gossip sessions.

To our frustration, the bullying continued throughout the summer. One of our students had a learning disability, and other children made fun of him mercilessly.

We tried our best to keep a closer watch over the kids who tended to “bring the drama,” talked with the children as whole and discussed the issues with their parents.

Some promised to take action. Others were apathetic. “Can’t you just fix this?” one mom asked.

My 19-year-old childless self was shocked — I was hired as a counselor, not a surrogate father.

Obviously, this is circumstantial evidence. Perhaps bullying has been a huge issue for many years, and we’re only now bringing its extent to light. Bullying increases school absenteeism and hurts self-esteem, confidence and happiness. Clearly, this problem has wide-reaching effects. Most bullies have been bullied themselves. This problem can develop into a vicious cycle unless measures are taken to stop it.

According to the United States Department of Education, 22 percent of elementary school administrators report having problems with bullying. As students age, bullying turns into gang activity and racial tension.

In the wake of recent suicides among teenagers and college students, we know that bullying is evolving. In this generation that is the most “wired” ever, tormentors are increasingly turning to the web. The anonymity that the Internet allows has added even more complexity to this problem.

Have you seen the recent movie, “The Social Network?”

Facebook was practically founded on a mean-hearted prank. Okay, maybe this movie isn’t completely accurate, but it’s interesting to ponder nonetheless.

Even though these tragic events might seem completely disconnected from elementary school students, they aren’t. We know that habits and behaviors that kids develop in their younger years tend to stick with them throughout their lives. Bullying turns into harassment — or worse.

Last weekend, I participated in an activity with an organization in which I’m involved where everyone stood in a circle and stepped forward if a certain statement applied to them. I’d taken part in a similar experience before, but nobody present really took it seriously. This time, however, things were different.

We started out with lighter statements, such as having everyone not from the state of Indiana step forward. Quickly, they got more serious. The topics addressed included addiction, sexual abuse and loss of loved ones to cancer.

This activity really made me ponder the fact that we all deal with hardship in life.

Why, then, do we criticize each other’s flaws?

I can’t say I’ve never bullied anybody or taken a joke too far, but thinking about the possible repercussions of what I say (or, these days, type) has helped prompt me to think twice before I speak or send.

When I was a child, my mom used to tell me, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say it at all.” Perhaps we should all take this advice to heart.


E-mail: biglehar@indiana.edu