For some movies, gimmicks are good

“Dude, have I got a story for you. So you know that bangin’ girl in our sociology class? The one that looks like John Buccigross and Sheryl Crow had a baby? Yeah, well I finally got around to asking her out. I took her to the opening of ‘Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore,’ because you know, it was in 3-D, so duh. Turns out the movie was terrible! Such a bummer. We got bored, so we started messing around in the theatre, but I couldn’t finish, because, well you remember my story about my mom, Ted, and our two dogs?  Let’s just say the movie had a scene that reminded me of it. I think we’re going out again next weekend, but I’ll never see another 3-D movie again.”

These are the famous words of no one, ever, because no one is that stupid.
And yet, this seems to be how some critics are judging the merits of 3-D movie technology — by the quality of the films it’s used in. Roger Ebert, who has been very outspoken about 3-D’s rise in popularity, belittles the technique as a gimmick. But in the case of movies such as “Clash of the Titans” and “The Last Airbender,” what do you expect?  

These movies need gimmicks to sell tickets. “Airbender” was made by the same clown who gave us “The Happening” and “Lady in the Water,” and no one was going to see that crap in 2-D.

When Ebert poses the question, “Have you ever watched a 2-D movie and wished it were in 3-D?”, I want to ask him the reverse. Was it the 3-D that ruined “Piranha 3-D” for you or the script, which was probably one page that read “GIANT 3-D BOOBS” in a 72 point font (a pretty good script, actually).

Whether it’s CGI explosions or Megan Fox, lowest common denominator movies such as these have always needed a gimmick to draw people in. Let’s not let them hijack the potential of 3-D from us.

One only needs to experience the opening scene of “Avatar,” where the audience is given a jaw-dropping view down the interior of a space ship, to imagine what 3-D could do for live action movies if used correctly.

What this re-emergence of 3-D popularity really brings to the table is the chance to make good movies better and bad ones more expensive. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to wait to see “Yogi Bear” in 3-D until payday.