Handling the 4th with your family

Zoom in on your house on the Fourth of July. As you walk across the landscape of your backyard, onto your pool deck and into your indoor/outdoor patio room, you will find a mix of people that no other holiday can offer.

Neighbors, friends, relatives and that guy you call Uncle Ray even though he’s not your dad’s brother have all come together. Whether it’s over free potato salad or seeing things get blown up, it doesn’t matter.

It is, in some way, a perfect representation of America.

In another, it’s a barely relevant comparison that I made up for this article.
Either way, the Fourth of July presents a unique challenge unlike any other family gathering. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter — these are all holidays with a pretty steady cast of familial characters. You know who’s going to show up every year and pretty much how things will play out.

The Fourth is always a wild card.

Here are my three tips to help you not just survive but thrive at your family’s Fourth of July party.

1. Whatever you’re doing for the summer, call it a job.

An inevitable part of summers in college is being asked “So what are your plans for your time off?” by people you barely know and see you a couple times a year.
Similar to being asked how school is going by distant relatives at Christmas, this tradition also includes family friends, neighbors whose driveway you shoveled growing up, and people that you genuinely don’t remember. It’s made worse by the fact that your summer plans probably aren’t all that impressive.
So whatever your doing, embellish the hell out of it.
Taking a couple classes? You’re super busy working on your second major. Doing some odd jobs for cash? Working construction. Mowing lawns can easily turn into “starting your own landscaping business.”
By writing this article for WEEKEND, I can tell people that I’m a “journalist” for a newspaper. See how that works?

2. Hustle people at croquet (works for lawn darts, hillbilly golf, horseshoes, etc.).

This plan has to start early. As your family is the one throwing the party, you have the advantage of picking out the game you’re best at.
During the party, wait until the game starts to get competitive and then make your move. You should subtly drop the idea to start playing for money to the drunkest member of the game and let him get the betting started.
Twenty minutes later, he’ll forget who mentioned the idea to him, and you can ask to join in on “that golf game with colored balls.”

3. Drink.

This cannot be emphasized enough. A lot of these people will be complete strangers, and the easiest way to get over that is to become drinking buddies with them.
Don’t overdo it and make a fool of yourself — but even if you do, no worries. You only see them once a year.
Plus, there’s no way you’ll get drunker than Uncle Ray, and he’s, like, 45. In comparison to his sad drinking problem, your having a few too many just looks like youthful exuberance. Cheers!