Overcoming Adversity

During this semester, I have written a variety of columns, touching on everything from ChatRoulette to Dunn’s Woods to the Mayan apocalypse. While I am proud of my writing, I can’t say any of my stories have been as truly inspirational as that of my dear friend Joey Gaines.

I am a member of Phi Gamma Delta, where Joey is also a member and my pledge brother. Regardless of what you think of my fraternity or the greek system in general, please reserve your judgment for the content of my writing and not where I sleep at night.

I first met Joey at the beginning of my freshman year. We had a mutual friend in high school and were acquainted with each other, but I didn’t know much about him besides his fondness for UFC fights and his boasting about his high school football team.

Joey’s mother Sandra was diagnosed with Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis the summer before his freshman year. ALS, commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s disease, is a cruel, progressive and ultimately fatal neurodegenerative disease caused by the degeneration of the nerve cells that control voluntary movement.

Sandra and Joey had a remarkable relationship. Joey’s father wasn’t around while Joey was growing up, so Joey and his mother forged a bond that rivals that of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I could write an essay about the lengths Joey’s mother went for her son, but I have some space constraints, so take my word for it.

While Joey was coping with the deterioration of his mother’s health, he also underwent our fraternity’s pledgeship process. Without getting into detail, I can attest it is an emotionally draining — yet extremely powerful — experience. As a result, I am lucky to call Joey and 20-some other guys my partners in crime, best friends and members of the fall 2008 Fiji pledge class.

Joey has an extraordinary ability to internalize his struggles and put forth a radiant smile to the world, so to the casual outsider, Joey simply seemed to be the happy-go-lucky kid he always is. However, the distress he experienced during that time in his life would make even the most stalwart optimist question his hopefulness.

Joey’s mother passed away last August. Since that day, Joey has gone through quite possibly one of the most emotionally taxing experiences I could possibly envision. Imagine losing your entire immediate family and best friend in one single blow. I cannot begin to fathom the depths of the pain associated with a loss of that magnitude.

Joey, however, is a truly incredible individual. While many people would have given up hope after such a tragic loss, Joey did not. You see, that’s the thing about Joey: He doesn’t know how to lose.

Joey is currently working his way toward his dream of becoming a collegiate football coach. He regularly attends class when he’s not beating me in Madden NFL Football 2010 or working with IU football coach Bill Lynch at the IU Athletic Department, all the while with a smile on his face. He recently began working with the ALS Therapy Development Institute to raise funds in honor of his mom.

Joey is the embodiment of the triumph of the human spirit over defeat. I am lucky to count him among my close friends, and he will always continue to inspire me.


E-mail: halderfe@indiana.edu