Hazed by Herm

A smoky cloud of poisonous substances invades my pores. My eyes begin to tear up, and my throat develops an itch I cannot scratch. The air is no longer clear, and I am afraid to breathe. Breathing will only make it worse. I search for an escape. I yank the door open with all of my strength and slip through.

I unplug my nose and enjoy a deep breath. I’ve finally made it.  I am standing inside the Herman B Wells Library and I’ve survived the most disgusting obstacle Wells requires upon entering: passing the smokers loitering outside the building.

Once I make it into the library, the welcoming committee, comprised of America’s future lung cancer patients, is no longer my problem — at least for another few hours. At one point, however, I will have to leave the building. I suppose I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I must say Herman’s hazing method is far more dangerous and cruel than that of any frat at IU. I think he should be kicked off campus. I mean really, Herm? I can’t enter the building until I’ve subjected my lungs to over 60 cancerous chemicals? If I didn’t have three exams tomorrow and a paper due, I might just take my business elsewhere.

If you’ve ever entered the library from the parking lot entrance, then I’m sure you can empathize with my struggle. There are several smokers outside of the Wells Library at every moment of the day. Trust me, I happen to know that the coast is never clear. I’ve waited it out to no avail.

But why must they congregate there? Do they think they are doing a service to the people inside the building? The people inside were still subjected to the secondhand smoke at one point. They had to enter the building.

Dr. Mark Weiser, Head of Psychiatric Ambulatory Services at the Sheba Medical Center in Israel, conducted a study of 20,000 Israeli military recruits. The study found that smokers have lower IQs than non-smokers. While that explains plenty, it still doesn’t solve the problem of these relatively dumb threats to society blocking the entrance.

IU’s campuses are smoke-free. The Wells Library is located on campus. So why are people smoking there?

Because the rule is not enforced. There are no repercussions. Smokers can contaminate the air outside of any building.

But not for long. (Insert evil laugh and crude hand gesture here.)

Daniel O’Neill and the other members of the Smoke and Tobacco Free Campus Advisory Committee are developing recommendations for ways IU can enforce the policy without making smokers feel alienated. O’Neill said IU is currently a smoke-free campus with pretty much no enforcement.

However, by next school year, IU plans to start cracking down.

“There is broad consensus that we will be implementing some sort of citation system involving fines,” O’Neill said.

I wish they’d act faster. In the meantime, I’ll be holding my breath and plugging my nose.


E-mail: jzaslow@indiana.edu