Being active? Let me think about it

I am someone vehemently opposed to any sort of physical exertion, and I have watched gleefully as our society has become progressively lazier.

This has happened with such innovations as the remote control, so we can avoid having to walk the five excruciating steps to manually change the channel. It has also included the Segway, to replace pedaling a bicycle, and the automatic flushing toilet. (Question: How much effort was it actually taking to simply turn around and flush yourself? Answer: Too much.)

But never have I been so excited by the possibility of a new product. We, as a society, have opened the door to becoming even lazier.

Apparently, a Silicon Valley-based company called NeuroSky has now developed a technology that allows people to control objects with their mind. Through this, they have metaphorically given the very idea of physical activity a sadistic kick to the groin.  
Now, the technology seems to be designed mainly for those with physical disabilities. The developers hope it allows people who might not otherwise be able to send e-mails or move wheelchairs to do so with their minds. This, of course, is a justifiable and noble cause and one that should truly revolutionize the world.

The greater achievement, however, appears to be the other uses for this new technology. These includes children’s games, like one where you use your mind to control a ball in a tube. As you concentrate more, the ball goes up, and vice versa. This will allow for children to stay inside for 8, 10, maybe even 12 hours at a time, staring at a ball in a tube.

In other words, this game will make my Facebook addiction look like a gym membership.

They even talked about doing – get ready for it – a reality television show, based entirely on people doing things with their minds (as I’m typing this, I’m shaking and violently salivating with excitement). The thought of watching people stare at inanimate objects for prolonged periods of time is the kind of edge-of-your-seat TV that makes “24” look like the “Home Shopping Network.”

NeuroSky is also looking to put this into cars, so that if you’re drowsy the car will read your thoughts and will tell you to “pull over and get coffee.” This is perfect because the idea of telling people to be responsible and make the judgment of whether or not they can drive themselves is just wishful thinking. Plus, I’ve been terrified lately that one of the 87 Starbucks I see every day will go out of business.

The question of whether people with the means to do regular, everyday tasks really need this technology is one that will most certainly be brought up. People that ask this question are simply kidding themselves because those Doritos are all the way on the other side of the couch, and the adorable little boy from the Superbowl told me to keep my hands, not my mind, off them.  


E-mail: henrgree@indiana.edu