Who needs a degree, anyway?

As the byline in this article states, my name is Josh Kraus, and I am a junior majoring in communication and culture. It can benefit you to know this. For instance, if the authenticity of my article’s argument somehow rested on my current year in school, or if, perhaps, you were questioning why I know more about the media’s influence on gender norms than I do about differential geometry. But I doubt whether any additional information can be gleaned from that tiny snippet of exposition.

What my byline does not elaborate on, however, is that my junior status and wordy major afford me little comfort when contemplating my future. How I long to be one of those carefree nymphs of the accounting department who, from the moment they laid their six-year-old hands on a mortgage spreadsheet, knew exactly what they wanted to do with their lives.

My life hasn’t been so opportune. Sure, I have my own lofty ambitions, but if these ambitions were turned into feature films, they would be lambasted for their implausibility and abundant plot holes. The point is that in less than two years, I could either be working toward a career that my four years in college have prepared me for, or I could be eating cottage cheese with a spatula in my parents’ basement.

Because I doubt my bachelor’s in CMCL will grant me anything other than a night shift at a Blockbuster , there must be a third option. While qualified postgraduates will be sparring for any scrap of work they can grasp, maybe the rest of us should try something different. Here are a couple options that may appeal to people like myself, who quiver when the word “future” assembles ominously in a bowl of alphabet soup.

Although the opportunity might seem too good to be true, caretaking and house-sitting positions exist year-round, and they require almost no qualifications. In researching for this article, I am already finding incredible listings, such as a three-month caretaking position in a seven-bedroom home in rural Missouri, an eight-month position in a ranch outside Roswell, New Mexico and a year-long position in a house in Denver. You may be required to take care of the owner’s cat or water their plants, but that’s pretty much where the grueling labor stops. In return you receive unlimited access to a free home and all of its amenities and generally a small stipend for expenses.

Working as a movie extra is another opportunity that doesn’t ask for any academic experience. The people who cast extras could care less about your fine arts degree or the charity work you do for bipolar seals. Body dimensions and physical characteristics are what counts in this field, and the average salary of a full-time movie extra is about 30 grand .

If you want to do something even wilder with your life, try starting a fanzine about the secret lives of dentists; explore the treacherous world of black market mole removal; con people into believing you’re the love child of James Earl Jones and Gilda Radner. I kid of course, but seriously, there are many ways to live comfortably and uniquely while avoiding the hassle of post-graduate expectations.