H1-4-No-1

Today at 6:50 p.m., I am scheduled to receive my free H1N1 vaccine at Assembly Hall – and there’s no way in hell I’m going.

Most likely, there would be a middle-aged woman in scrubs waiting next to an empty chair. She had been there all day and just wants to get home to her family.

So, I’d sit, roll up a sleeve and feel the needle push its way through my muscle. That’s it. No more swine flu for me.

For me, it’s not that simple.

Vaccines for H1N1 started getting pumped into students two weeks ago in the stadium where IU’s oh-so-wonderful basketball team plays.

Coming in both nasal spray and shot form, many are flocking to get this long-awaited safeguard against the mysterious and sly swine flu.

But can it be that this vaccine could do more harm than good?

A quick search on YouTube brought me to a video of Desiree Jennings, a cheerleading beauty with dreams of one day being on the sidelines of the Washington Redskins.

Jennings got a seasonal flu shot and, a few weeks later, was diagnosed with dystonia, a neurological condition that causes body jerks and abnormal movements.

Her development of dystonia is suspected to be a direct result of getting a flu shot. She can’t walk forward without having uncontrollable spasms, even though she can walk backwards and run with ease.

So you don’t want to end up like Desiree Jennings, but what then? What can one do to avoid getting the flu?

Eat garlic.

At least that’s what many people across the Atlantic are trying to do.

In Serbia, for example, garlic has been thought to have many curing abilities, fighting off all sorts of ailments.

The people of Serbia are so sure of garlic’s benefits that the price of the little white clove has shot up dramatically. Everyone seems to think that garlic is the way to prevent the treacherous swine flu.

That is, everyone but doctors think garlic is the key to ending this frightening pandemic.

The swine flu has turned our world into a bad rendition of “The West Side Story.”
Two sides to the story, one side’s story as unbelievable as the other’s.

I don’t think garlic will prevent me from getting swine flu. It will just make my breath smell horrible.

I don’t think the H1N1 vaccine has all the answers either. It has the potential to debilitate and cripple someone for life.

So what will I do?

I’ll just keep washing my hands. I’ll keep drinking my orange juice. And, maybe, I’ll take a few weeks off from playing beer pong, drinking from cups shared by countless people.

For me, it’s the little steps that will keep me healthy and away from the deadly swine flu.
 
So tonight, you will not find me at Assembly Hall, sleeve rolled up, about to be penetrated by a middle-age woman – mind out of the gutter.