Pizza X drivers serve up whales of tales nightly

A train conductor had just passed the airport when he called the Pizza X campus location, telling driver William Graham he would arrive at the store in 10 minutes.

“I knew there was no train station around here,” Graham said. “The conductor stopped the train on the track behind the store and came in to get the pizza.”

Graham said he studied art at Depauw University. After living the life of a starving artist, he began delivering pizzas seven years ago, a job he believes is not for everyone.

“You can almost describe it as being a cowboy in the Wild West,” he said. “Rain, snow, you’re out there in the elements by yourself. You have to know what to do if your car breaks down. You have to stay sharp, stay on your toes.”

Drivers see everything, Graham said, which is one of the best parts of the job.

“Never underestimate the creative ability of college students to entertain,” he said.
Driver Chris Etter said he has worked at the Pizza X campus location for eight years and loves his job.

“I walk into places, and people cheer really loudly,” he said. “Most people are just happy to see me.”

However, during finals and midterm weeks as well as after devastating sport losses,

Etter said he can sense the tension. And tips are affected by the moods of the customers, he said. Generally college students tip 10 percent less than other customers, Etter said.

But what they lack in tips they make up for with humor.

On a delivery to McNutt Quad on a Friday, Etter said two girls, slightly inebriated, came out to get their pizza at about 2:30 a.m. After taking their money, Etter said he handed them the pizza, which they both grabbed at the same time. All of a sudden, they both let go, the pizza falling to the ground. Etter offered to send them another pizza, he said, but they insisted it was their fault.

“Next thing I know one of these chicks gets down on the ground with a slice of pizza and starts sopping up the ranch that was splattered everywhere and eats it,” he said. “I was pretty much speechless. I guess the ranch sauce is really good. I’ll never forget that.”

Drivers see a lot of people fall, Etter said. The most common time to see
customers take a dive is on the steps outside of the Curry wing of Read Center after a snow or ice storm, he said.

“I don’t know if it’s because the sun doesn’t hit the steps right,” he said. “But the steps are never melted down. Students see the pizza and come running out and wham! College kids, they always get back up.”

Between 2 and 4 a.m. the Pizza X phones never stop ringing, Graham said. When bars let out, everyone is hungry. People always approach drivers asking if they have extra pizza, Graham said, and the answer is always no.

“Sometimes we knock on the customer’s door and see the person passed out on the sofa,” he said. “We may have extra then. But usually it’s no.”

Etter said during one delivery, he saw the girl who ordered the pizza passed out on her couch inside with the check in her hand. He walked in, took the check and left the pizza in the house.

“Most places I just walk in,” he said. “If there’s music playing, I could be knocking for half an hour. It’s not like anyone locks their doors around here.”

Pizza X has the phone numbers of every customer they deliver to, Graham said, so they can call the customer to know when to meet them. On one delivery a few years ago, Graham said he called the customer and obviously woke someone. The guy on the other end of the phone told Graham he was in Connecticut.

“The son had ordered a pizza and used his home phone number,” he said. “I got the son’s number from the dad, and his dad told me to tell the kid, ‘Thanks for spending my hard-earned money on pizza.’”

Etter said it is surprising how many people cannot calculate how much change they should get back. While making change for a customer once, he said the customer demanded $4 back for a $16.47 order.

“I tried to explain to her that I could only give her $3.53,” he said. “She called the store and demanded to speak to my boss. I don’t know what her motive was. Needless to say, she didn’t get $4 back.”

Each driver at Pizza X makes 50 to 100 deliveries a night, Graham said, and they never know what to expect. Drivers’ experiences are almost always good, he said.
“We give food to happy, drunk people all night long,” he said. “We rarely have to deal with belligerent drunks.”

During finals week three years ago, Graham said he made a delivery to the Herman B Wells Library to a couple that was obviously not happy. The girl who signed the receipt said she could not see Graham in the dark. He then brought out his new flashlight and joked around until the couple started laughing, he said.

“She scratched out the tip and doubled it,” he said. “I feel like part of our job is to entertain people. It should be fun. They entertain us; we entertain them.”