You’re not from Chicago

There is an irritating phenomenon plaguing our school on par with fixed-gear bikes and “pimps and hoes” theme parties.

It is the practice of declaring residence in Chicago, when perhaps you’re really from a distant suburb such as Lake Forest – a mere moon relative to Chicago’s orbit.
I experience this regularly.

The routine introduction forces itself upon us with predictable consistency, and if both participants can tolerate each other for more than 30 seconds, the verbal two-step leads to the familiar question: “Where are you from?”

I was born, raised and still live in “Little Italy,” a neighborhood of Chicago roughly two miles from the city’s downtown. But I had no particular pride in my home’s location until I arrived at IU.

Here I realized that being from the actual city of Chicago is a rarity, even though a plethora of individuals mistakenly thought themselves as part of that rarity.
Here is a typical example of a Chicago claimer:

Student: “So where are you from?”
Me: “I’m from Chicago.”
Student: “Oh nice, so am I.”
Me: “Cool, what part?”
Student: “Uhh, Wheaton. You?”
Me: “I’m from Little Italy.”
Student: “Oh, so you’re actually from Chicago, Chicago.”

For those unfamiliar with the Chicagoland area, the town of Wheaton is about 18 miles from Chicago’s city limits.

Now, you may not think this is as blatantly misleading as I do, but in my tenure at IU, I have heard far worse.

Once a Chicago-claimer admitted that he was really from Rockford, a city about 85 miles from downtown Chicago. 

That’s like putting an ad in the personals describing yourself as a 6-foot-1 architect with a slim build and a passion for leather upholstery, when you’re really 5-foot-5, manage a Wendy’s and occasionally knit your own socks.

It’s just false advertising.

Apparently being a Chicago resident is so unheard of that nine times out of 10, the person I am introducing myself to will register audible surprise when hearing I am actually from the city.

This makes me feel like a wondrous anomaly. I am snow to a native of Nicaragua; the gay Jew to a church group in rural Alabama. 

But is my feeling of regional superiority at all conceited? You bet your strip-mall-loving ass it is. 

Yet I truly believe that if you’re from the city, tell people you are. If you’re not, have the decency to own up to it.

Be proud of where you come from, even if it’s a suburb.

After all, if everyone from Glenview says they’re from Chicago, soon no one will remember the glorious name of Glenview.

However, I’ll buckle on a few circumstances. If you happen to be watching a dune buggy race in Nevada and someone asks you where you’re from, saying Chicago or the Chicagoland area might be acceptable.

And if you’re out of the country, no one will know if Bolingbrook is in Illinois or Tanzania.

But in Bloomington, there are no excuses, and you run the risk of getting called out. So please, don’t embarrass yourself.