Wedding Etiquette Woes

Summer is invariably wedding season, and as we get older it seems more and more of our friends are taking the plunge into that oh-so-adult territory this time of year. However, as guests to these soirees, it’s not always clear how to act like an adult.

Matrimonial manners can be downright baffling as we tread in these relatively unknown waters, so WEEKEND spoke to Tricia Riveire, owner of  Love, Lillian, a Bloomington wedding planning business about all the dos and don’ts before, during and after the “I do”s. If you’ve found that an invite to someone’s special day has come your way, read on. We’ve got you covered.

The Invitation

If it says your name and your name only on the invitation, then you’re flying solo to this one. An invitation will specify if you are allowed to bring a guest. It’s rude to ask to bring someone along and puts the hosts in an uncomfortable position.
“The envelope lets you know who is invited,” Riveire said. “The bride and groom have put a lot of thought into the guest list, and sometimes economic circumstances are a factor.”

You should also RSVP your hosts as soon as possible, and at the very least, before the “respond by” date that they give you. Wedding planning is hard work and this is important info for your hosts. Lucky for you, Riveire said, more and more couples are using technology for convenience’s sake, so your response often just takes a click of a mouse.

The Gift

Here’s the catch: If you’re invited to a wedding, giving a gift to the newlyweds is necessary, even if you’re not planning on attending. Not sure how much to spend? Riveire said it all depends on how well you know the person getting married, but $50 is usually a good amount.

If giving that much means not buying your books for a semester, though, then just try to give the nicest gift that you can.

Not sure what to buy? Check out the couple’s gift registry if it has one, and gift cards or money are always acceptable and appreciated.

The good news is that you technically have within a year of the wedding to send a gift, but you should still try to send one as soon as possible. Riveire suggested no later than three months. Any later and you’ll probably forget and the couple will think you have forgotten, too.

The Outfit

Weddings are formal, so dress formal. Riveire said suits and ties are a safe bet for men, and a cocktail dress or nice slacks and a blouse are usually appropriate for the ladies. Under no circumstances, however, is it OK to wear white to someone else’s wedding. Don’t steal the bride’s thunder.

If you’re in a church, be respectful and bring something to cover up with if your outfit is sleeveless.

The Ceremony

“Wedding ceremonies generally always start on time,” Riveire said, so be on time! Arrive at least a few minutes before the wedding so you can get situated without interrupting the wedding party’s grand entrance. If you are tardy, however, wait until the procession has ended before sitting.

If it’s a religious ceremony, be respectful and follow suit, even if the ceremony differs from your own beliefs.

Avoid taking photos during the wedding rites as well. During a select few moments, it might be all right to snap a picture or two, like the bride’s entrance or the couple’s exit, but for the most part, be respectful of the sanctity of the ceremony.

The Reception

The bride and groom intend for you to have a good time – it is a party, after all – but don’t make an ass of yourself. More specifically, go easy on the open bar. Under no circumstances is it appropriate to drink yourself stupid at a wedding reception where the bride and groom’s family are watching.

“If you wouldn’t act like that in front of your family, then don’t at a wedding reception, either,” Riveire said.

And just because the drinks are free doesn’t mean you can’t tip the person serving them – a dollar or two is always a nice gesture.

As far as dinner goes, be polite and courteous to those sitting around you.

“The couple usually has put a lot of thought into where to seat people,” Riveire said.
“So be polite and introduce yourself. They placed you there because that’s where they thought you might be comfortable.”

Also, stay off the dance floor until husband and wife have had their first dance.
And most importantly ... have fun and wish the happy couple well!