Best. Film. Ever?

Michael Bay, you win. Your second “Transformers” film might be the best film ever made.

Seriously, people like to think you just enjoy blowing up everything in sight, forgetting about plot structure and featuring as much gratuitous people-walking-away-from-explosions-in-slow-motion shots as possible.

And those people are right.

But what they don’t see is what makes you a true artist. Martin Scorsese or Francis Ford Coppola or Steven Spielberg might get the word “great” attached to their names, but only because we haven’t come up with a word to describe your talents.

“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is true art, and what film was made for. When cinema was created, people went to see a spectacle – just stuff happening, and that’s what you’ve provided us here, Mr. Bay.

The original film, about transforming robot aliens coming to Earth and waging a good vs. evil war with Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) caught in the middle, was pretty good, but you were bogged down by stupid things like “plot,” or “coherence” – but not here.

In this film, audiences are subjugated by a consistent barrage of giant fantastical images that do not really connect with those preceding or proceeding it. There is absolutely no plot whatsoever (and I know people say that about many films, but seriously – nothing really happens in almost three hours) and 85 percent of the time it’s honestly impossible for the viewer to see what is even happening.

Even more shocking is that you somehow made a film about fighting alien robots and excessive explosions kind of boring, Mr. Bay. There are almost 90 minutes of film here in the middle that are drier than most Oscar-nominated films – that’s almost a whole other film.

And this is why cinema will never be the same after this film. No film could ever be this bloated, this stupid, this politically incorrect, this boring, this expensive and this full of slow motion and fire. This is avant garde, Mr. Bay – this is your “Meshes of the Afternoon.” This is art in its purest form.