Confessions of a key junkie

Oh no! Mind racing, you rewind through your day. It has to be here! Frantic, you retrace your steps. This can’t be happening to me! By now, your classrooms are locked. The search will have to be delayed.

You haven’t felt truly stressed until you arrive at the door of your residence center to discover you’ve lost your key.

And if a spare key becomes your only option, good luck.

At my residence hall, borrowed keys are to be returned by midnight the day they are checked out. So, if you happen to lose your key, make it home at 10 p.m. and check out a spare key, you can only keep it for the two remaining hours in the day.

Assuming you won’t find your key at that time of night, you’ll have to check out a key again the following morning.

But there’s a problem.

This second checkout counts against your allowance of three spare keys a semester. After three keys, you’ll be fined $25 – a charge that can only be explained as a retributive punishment, because up to this point, what has RPS done that merits money?

The regularly scheduled resident assistant, on duty at the center desk
(note: “on duty” is defined as listening to Pandora while doing homework and playing solitaire), got up to find your key in the key cabinet.

A simple accident has turned into a finable offense. But why?

In Section F, Line 4 of the Indiana University Residence Hall Rules and Regulations, it is stated that “residents who abuse this service are in violation of residence hall rules.” I assume this clause is where the fee finds its footing. But “abuse this service”?

In a building where every door is locked, from exterior entrances to an individual’s room, three strikes should not put you out on 10th Street.

Fears over individuals “abusing” this privilege are absurd. Abuse suggests intentionality – a desire to subvert and exploit existing rules.

And while individuals might exploit the lax enforcement of the campus smoking ban or push the limits of quiet hours when they’re passionately engaged in a round of Rock Band, no one wants the hassle of acquiring a new key. No one plans to be locked out. Such a service is not abused; it’s needed.

Students, on top of $7,000 in room and board, shouldn’t have to buy the limited privilege to a spare key. While charges should be leveled for the replacement of locks, seeing as such action requires new hardware and the cost of maintenance personnel, allowing an individual to enter his or her own room should be free.

A spare key fine does nothing to discourage reckless behavior. Any time one loses a key – fine or no fine – he or she resolves to be more proactive in the future. The student buys a flashy lanyard or tries to form new habits to keep it from happening again.

But then, reality happens. In these instances, one should not have to worry about unnecessary fines.

The sole priority should be quick access to the stained, smelly, messy dorms we call home – to reduce stress and not to create it.