Product placement

This week, The New York Times revealed that the Meredith Corporation, which owns 12 local television stations across the country, has incorporated product placement into its news programs – specifically, placing cups of McDonald’s iced coffee in front of their anchors during their morning news broadcasts. And all I can say is: It’s about time!

Local news programs have been working product placement into their broadcasts for a while now; for example, by running “stories” on their network’s programs or its parent company’s products (alongside sports and weather, “American Idol” seems to have its own category on Indianapolis Fox affiliate WXIN-TV). Or by airing video news releases, which are fake news segments shot and edited by companies, then turned over to stations for integration into their nightly stories. But the Meredith Corporation’s iced-coffee scheme has forced product placement’s role in news out of the shadows and into the bright light of day (morning, to be specific).

Thus, in this spirit of openness, I thought I’d make public the various products that have been subtly promoted in this column over the years.

What’s that, you didn’t know that this column had product placement? Why, the disclaimer is in the small print at the end of the column. You just have to look close. No, closer. Actually, you might want to get a magnifying glass. Regardless, it’s there.
Anyway, for starters, I’d like to thank Toupe d’Etat, makers of quality hairpieces for short, husky gentlemen. If, from time to time, you’ve looked at my mugshot and wanted to do something about your growing bald spot – well, now you know why.
Next, a big thank-you to the folks from Dead-Off Zombie Repellent Spray. It’s a terrific product, ideal for anything from an academic conference on statistical methods to a Sunday-morning trip to Wal-Mart.

Also, I’m grateful for the sponsorship of Advanced Integrated Network Solutions, a terrific company that provides advanced solutions for all your network integration needs; or integrated solutions for all your advanced network needs; or advanced networks for all your integrated solutions; or advanced integration for all your network solutions; or, well, something.

And a thank you to the makers of Paramount Pictures’ comedy “The Love Guru,” who would like you to know that they don’t actually hate Indian people, just movie audiences.

Also, a hearty thanks to the folks from the federal Transportation Safety Administration (who, I’m sure, would like to provide a friendly reminder that when you fly, they own your ass).

Finally, I’d like to thank the tourism board of the Principality of Andorra for its generous sponsorship. As they say on all their brochures, “Andorra: It’s a country.”
Well, all that said, there is certainly more space for sponsors interested in seeing their products appear in this column – just send all checks or money orders to Brian McFillen, care of the IDS Opinion page. Currently, I’m looking for partners willing to help fund a full set of journalistic ethics ... or possibly a new stereo.