Warning: Explicit content ahead

Now that Formula One has eliminated its lone United States race from its schedule, F1 needed to do something drastic to get America interested again.\nThe solution – pimp out\nits president.\nPresident of the International Automobile Federation Max Mosley was caught on tape involved in a “sadomasochist orgy” with five prostitutes doing some sort of Nazi role playing.\nUmm.\nWhatever floats your boat?\nSome people might think it’s sick to get sexual pleasure from re-enacting a historical period during which millions of people were killed, and I’d have to agree. Everyone has something that gets him or her going and that’s natural, but this seemed to cross a line.\nAnd at least Mosley knew it. He has already apologized for his actions and is working on getting past it. I’m glad he is not resigning and hopefully he learned from his mistakes.\nOn the bright side, at least he took the time to have a cup of tea with the hookers after they finished their business. That’s nice of him. It’s always a good idea to be civil and polite to the women that just beat you in your sick and twisted fantasies.\nBut I’m not here today to write about Mosley. What I am here to do is to tell you about other major sex scandals you might have not heard about yet.\nNote to readers: From this point on, absolutely nothing is true. I made this all up. Please do not sue me for libel (which would be stupid because I only make $10 a week before taxes). However, keep in mind that these are not completely far-fetched and could accidently be true.\nEarlier this year, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell was caught on tape having sexual relations with a woman but he had no knowledge he was being filmed. It turns out Bill Belichick was illegally taping his dating game plan to better his own marriage. No one knows the real truth to this tape because Goodell destroyed the tape before anyone else could see it.\nThere is an interesting rumor revolving around this tape. Supposedly, Goodell fined himself for excessive celebration after his score but no one can prove that rumor. My guess is it involved a cell phone and a teammate.\nA month or so ago, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman purposely surfaced a sex tape on TV to try to gain publicity. Unfortunately, no one in America was able to see it because it ran on Versus and generally no one cared anyway. \nI believe Bettman tried to use Sidney Crosby as the face of the video but Versus blurred the faces in the video for privacy reasons so it didn’t matter.\nThis week MLB Commissioner Bud Selig was caught in his own sex video where he solicited a prostitute to have relations in a park. However, the video was nearly three hours long, leaving many viewers bored. The prostitute looked like she was on steroids, there was a rain delay halfway through and the video ended in a scoreless tie.\nNext week, NBA Commissioner David Stern will release his latest project: “Girls Gone Wild: Where Amazing Happens.” Stern worked hard on the video and I expect the quality to be great. It should be high-flying and action-packed, and I don’t expect any of the girls to be able to read.\nThe reason I have faith in Stern’s videos is because of his philosophy in filmmaking. Although previous videos featured mostly college and international girls, the two best girls came straight from high school.\nBut this film is going to feature girls who have finished at least one year of college to ensure professionalism.\nFinally, there are rumors that IDS columnist Mike Abrams attempted to sleep with all the female managing editors at the newspaper in an effort to get his columns to run on the front page. Unfortunately, he failed miserably and his columns still run next to the crossword puzzles.