When the remake of “The Longest Yard” was made, I was stoked. I loved the original, and adding Chris Rock, Adam Sandler and Nelly to the mix gave me hope that this movie would be spectacular. When the time came, I went to a showing the opening weekend and sat through the entire thing with some popcorn and a Coke. \nUnfortunately, I’m not here to criticize or rave about the movie. I was entertained but wasn’t floored by the picture. \nInstead, I’m here for something else. When I saw that movie, it got me thinking about what would happen if it were real life. \nLast week, my thoughts were answered.\nAccording to reports, Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank exchanged letters with his former star quarterback Michael Vick. Blank explained that Vick washed pans for 12 cents an hour, and he played football on the Leavenworth Federal Football team.\nVick is the real life Paul Crewe. \nThe reports have been denied by the prison but that doesn’t matter. All that matters is now that Vick might be playing federal-prison football, I can officially announce my federal fantasy prison football team.\nWithout further ado, here is who I picked. Please keep in mind that not all of these players went to federal prison. Rather, all were just arrested.
Team Name – Puck the Folice
QB – Michael Vick – arrested and indicted for dog fighting\nQB – Daunte Culpepper – arrested for lewd conduct at his boat party\nRB – Ricky Williams – arrested multiple times for possession of marijuana \nRB – Larry Johnson – arrested for aggravated assault and domestic battery by pulling a gun during an argument with his ex-girlfriend\nRB/WR – Najeh Davenport - arrested after a woman told police he broke into her dorm room and defecated in her closet\nWR – Chris Henry – the Indiana Daily Student doesn’t give me enough space to list all of his arrests\nWR – Terry Glenn – cited for public intoxication for urinating outside a Jack In The Box\nWR – Plaxico Burress – arrested for public intoxication\nTE – Randy McMichael – arrested for allegedly hitting his pregnant wife\nK – Sebastian Janikowski – arrested for assault, vandalism and public drunkenness outside a bar\nD/ST – Cincinnati Bengals – I’m pretty sure more than half their defense has been arrested since 2005\nBench – Jeff Garcia (QB) for drunk driving, Dominic Rhodes (RB) for domestic abuse, Neil Rackers (K) for assault and Martha Stewart (D/ST) for insider trading.
I think I’ve got a good chance at winning. My biggest competition is the team with Randy Moss (for marijuana possession), Adam “Pacman” Jones (for making it rain) and Jamal Lewis (for cocaine possession with conspiracy to distribute).\nI’m not worried though. Bill Belichick gave me a tape of the other team so I know exactly what the players will do before they do it.
