The tube crises

In watching this year’s presidential campaigns progress, I have been shocked and dismayed by the failure of the candidates to address the single most important problem confronting the American people. A problem that could potentially affect no less than 99 percent of the nation’s population; a problem that has put thousands out of work; a problem the effects of which are visible almost every day – especially between the hours of 8 and 11 p.m.; a problem that strikes at the heart of what it means to be an American.\nI speak, of course, of the ongoing writers’ strike.\nNow, I’m sure many readers are nodding their heads in silent agreement – but a few of you might be scoffing. “What about terrorism, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iran, Syria, Israel/Palestine, Lebanon, Venezuela, Russia, China or Burma?” you ask. “What about the sub-prime mortgage crisis, the weak dollar, the affordability of health care, international trade or the slowdown of the U.S. economy?” Or, perhaps you’re asking, “What about global warming, natural resource use, transnational epidemics, asteroids or the clubbing of baby ferrets to make those things that you stick in alto saxophones to absorb moisture and keep the instrument from rusting?” All pressing issues, certainly. But here’s the thing: as long as there’s some decent television on, you can ignore them. Until they finally get bad enough to kill you – at which point, it doesn’t matter anyway. \nIndeed, if TV wasn’t dominated by reality shows and reruns, we wouldn’t even have to pay attention to the upcoming election – and it would be determined by rich donors, beltway insiders, cynical pundits, narrow special interest groups, the elderly and political obsessives with loads of bumper stickers and thousand-mile stares, as God and the founding fathers intended. But, unfortunately, a lack of fresh, ripped-from-the-headlines primetime drama has forced us to participate in the democratic process. So, we might as well use it to get what we really want.\nGiven the dearth of statements about the writers’ strike, it’s difficult to say which candidate would be best suited to bring back our beloved scripted entertainment. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have loads of Hollywood supporters, but in each case, these supporters consist of both management and creative types – this could put them in the position to work out a compromise or leave them paralyzed for fear of losing either group. Fred Thompson has a long relationship with the industry, and yet, as an actor and a Republican, his loyalties might be likewise divided. McCain was in “Wedding Crashers” and Giuliani was in “Anger Management,” so it’s anyone’s guess as to where they’d stand. Huckabee could, perhaps, re-unite both sides through their mutual loathing for him. And as for John Edwards and Mitt Romney – they have fantastic hair.\nRegardless, action must be taken. As the Roman poet Juvenal pointed out, the only two things desired by the public are bread and circuses. And if the bakers go on strike next, we are so screwed.