Count me out

I'm mandating a new rule. \nEvery applicant to IU from Atlanta must prove their ability to count to six before acceptance. It is not one-two-three-four-six. (For those of you from Atlanta who got in prior to the rule’s enactment, there is a five missing.)\nOn Dec. 19, the Atlanta Hawks beat the Miami Heat at home in an overtime game. However, last Friday the NBA ruled that the last 51.9 seconds of regulation will be replayed after Heat center Shaquille O’Neal fouled out of the game after committing only his fifth foul. The Hawk’s scorekeeper wrongfully recorded a foul on Shaq earlier in the game that was not actually his.\nThis will be the first time a game has been replayed in 25 years and only the fourth time in NBA history. \nThe game will be played before the two teams’ next meeting in Atlanta on March 9.\nThe mistake is absolutely unacceptable and replaying the game is absurd. There are way too many variables that will be affected during the replay of the final few seconds, 82 days after the initial outcome (momentum, fatigue, streak shooting, officiating crew and injuries, to name a few). \nWhat if injuries force Shaq to sit out for the replay game? Doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose of replaying the game? What if either team makes a trade prior to March 9? Do the new guys get to play? Or even better yet, what if they make a trade with each other? Do the guys switch back to their old team for the 51.9 seconds, and then switch jerseys for the regularly scheduled game they will play after?\nI understand that in the NBA, the difference between a playoff spot and a lottery pick is sometimes only one game. But wouldn’t it make more sense to see if the game matters? If the loss causes the Heat to miss the playoffs by one game, then I understand the importance of a replay. But if not, why waste everyone’s time?\nEither way, the mistake is an embarrassment to the Hawks organization, but luckily they are used to screwing up.\nLast season, the Hawks scorekeeper neglected to count one of TJ Ford’s baskets in the final minutes of the game. Although the game was decided by more than two points, the final few minutes of the game could have played out differently if Ford’s points had been posted correctly. I personally believe Toronto would have won the game if the points were counted.\nThese types of mistakes shouldn’t happen in the NBA and don’t happen in the other 29 organizations. But it happened in Atlanta ... twice.\nNow, I’ve only been to Atlanta once outside of its airport, but being very familiar with the movie “Stomp the Yard” makes me a self-proclaimed expert on the city, and I think I have a plan to solve this problem.\nThe Hawks will change their mascot to Count von Count, the vampire from Sesame Street, and he will give free lessons during timeouts. We will start this season with the fingers and maybe next season the city of Atlanta can get all the way to the toes.\nAnd if that doesn’t work, then just don’t ask an Atlanta-born IU student for help with your math homework.