It’s been a long time since the Hoosiers played a “must-see game.” \nBut if you’re in Bloomington on Saturday and not inside Memorial Stadium, I feel bad for you. Stop talking about Eric Gordon for 48 hours. This weekend belongs to the football team. \nThe Hoosiers face what is essentially a one-game playoff to get into a bowl game. And although a berth isn’t guaranteed, a seventh win would make not getting a 13th game as probable as Stephon Marbury going through the rest of the season quietly.\nThe Old Oaken Bucket game has more riding on it than Space Mountain. Saturday’s rivalry contest has more story lines than a Quentin Tarantino movie. \nBut don’t fret; I won’t leave you with a cliffhanger. Truth is, the Hoosiers have me as confused as Sammy Sosa under oath. \nSo I’ve decided to play out both outcomes for the Bucket game. Think of it as a bipartisan prediction.
IF THE HOOSIERS WIN:\nCelebration on Kirkwood! \nThe Hoosiers dominated the Boilermakers on Saturday, brushing them aside like a Gene Keady comb-over. \nFifty-thousand-plus celebrate IU’s Bucket win as if Bobby Knight just replaced Abraham Lincoln on the $5 bill. An impromptu rendition of the school song breaks out in Memorial Stadium’s bleachers. The crowd sings in perfect unison as the players rejoice on the field. \nAn emotional Bill Lynch hoists the Old Oaken Bucket over his head, celebrating what no Hoosier has been able to since 2001. The “Hoosier Daddy?” chant replaces the now muffled sound of Purdue fans barfing “Boiler Up!” \nThanks to James Hardy’s two touchdowns and Tracy Porter’s Devin Hester-like punt return, the Hoosiers find themselves headed for a bowl game. In search of any inkling of good publicity, Rick Greenspan meets Lynch at midfield with a Yogi’s napkin. Scribbled on the back of the napkin is a three-year contract extension, which Lynch happily autographs. \nAs the Marching Hundred plays the school song for the sixth time in as many minutes, the IU senior class hoists Jane Hoeppner onto its shoulders, carrying her off the field as she proudly waves to the fans who worshipped her late husband.
IF THE HOOSIERS LOSE:\nCelebration on Kirkwood! \nSure, the Hoosiers lost five of their last six, but that doesn’t change how the drinks taste at Nick’s. And cheer up, students; I hear the basketball team isn’t bad this year. \nThe Hoosiers turned the ball over a season-high six times on their way to the most devastating loss since Bob Barker left daytime television. But what makes the loss to Purdue particularly painful is the ending. In the fourth quarter, down by three, the Hoosiers marched 60 yards downfield into Austin Starr’s range with 30 seconds left. \nPressing for a win, the Hoosiers elected to throw a jump ball into the end zone, hoping the human pogo stick Hardy could come down with the pigskin. \nBut Hardy never got his chance. For the third time this season, the Hoosiers were forced to walk off the field in the closing seconds due to a fumble. Kellen Lewis put an exclamation point on IU’s disappointing season when he was hit from his blind side, coughing up the ball. \nThe Boilermakers recovered and the Hoosiers fell short of their season-long goal, only “Playing 12.” \nThe voice of the Hoosiers, Don Fischer, goes Howard Cosell on his audience: “Down goes Lewis! Down goes Lewis!”\n(What can I say, I have a flair for the dramatic.) \nBefore you can say “Brett Finkelmeier,” Bloomington switches from football-to basketball-mode for the winter. The Hoosiers go back to the drawing board, still in search of that elusive bowl game. \nSo what do I think will happen to the Hoosiers? \nAw, what the hell ...
Prediction: Indiana 40, Purdue 37
