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Friday, March 29
The Indiana Daily Student

Friendships are getting friskier

"Friends with benefits" are experimenting with their boundaries, and it's making things hard.\nExperts say no-strings-attached relationships are easier to obtain than committed ones, but these "friends with benefits" may have trouble with coupledom in the future. Counseling and Psychological Services Director Nancy Stockton said experts worry that people who partake in these quasi-relationships will find a committed relationship extremely difficult.\n"It can delay the process of learning about real intimate relationships," she said.\nDebby Herbenick, IU sex researcher and educator, said the idea of "friends with benefits" has been an openly discussed subject for the last five to 10 years. She said the concept has probably been around long before now in some form or another, even if the "benefits" have not always included intercourse.\n"It could be that 50 or 100 years ago, instead of oral sex or intercourse, people were kissing their friends," Herbenick said. "This generation's willingness to go farther sexually before marriage leads to more sexual activity. It's not surprising that people are choosing to explore with their friends -- people who they are comfortable with and trust."\nJunior Elizabeth Meyer said she has numerous friends who have been involved in non-committed sexual relationships and she has never considered it to be a big deal.\n"People are busy," she said. "Friends with benefits is fun but doesn't take a lot of work."\nA few IU students shared stories about their own "friends with benefits" experiences, but few were willing to attach their names to their tales. Many claimed that when the sexual relationship ends, the friendship has a tendency to fall apart as well. In most cases the arrangement ended with one or both parties unhappy, students said.\n"The thing I see is that people get possessive, and at least one person usually has a hard time not acting like a significant other," Meyer said. "You can try all you want to, but feelings always end up getting involved." \nMeyer said the initial appeal of "friends with benefits" is the absence of boundaries or rules, but people tend to forget that after a while.\nHerbenick said there is no evidence to verify which sex is more likely to get hurt in these set-ups, but the parties involved should keep an eye on their own feelings and make sure communication is very clear.\n"On an individual level people need to decide if it is right for them," Herbenick said. "Within these relationships, people need to be clear and open with one another. Like with any relationship, you need to check in with yourself to make sure it still feels good to you"

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