Moved to comment

On Aug. 6, right before the brief hiatus between our summer and fall publishing schedules, the Indiana Daily Student ran an article warning about the thefts that can occur during move-in and provided advice on what you can do to prevent them. To those who read it, this might have seemed like a helpful, clear-cut, perfectly reasonable piece of public service information. But to those of us who want to steal… \nAhem… that is to say, to those of us who are astute media observers, we understood this for what it really was: journalistic sensationalism intended to scare people into picking up more papers. The more papers you pick up, the more those fat cats in management get to light their cigars with $100 bills. Don’t be scared into lining their pockets. This weekend, it will be up to us to show them that we refuse to live in a society of fear – a world where people don’t trust each other and decent folks feel like they can’t walk the streets at night. If you want to demonstrate that YOU ARE NOT AFRAID, here’s what you should do:\n• Leave all your doors and windows unlocked – or, better yet, open. If you live on an upper floor, you can really show your daring by leaning a large ladder against the side of the building. If you own a dog or other large, dangerous creature, show courtesy to your neighbors by putting it on a leash, or in a kennel. Then, go down to Kirkwood or the other bars downtown – even Indy – and party the night away. There’s nothing those fear-mongers hate more than folks having a good time! \n• If you’ve really got moxie, how about this idea? Take your most expensive, portable and easy to fence items, put them in a storage case or cardboard box – then leave it on the curb for the whole of move-in. You’ll be saying: “Look at me thieves, I’m calling your bluff!” Make sure the container has handles and isn’t too heavy, and don’t leave anything with engravings or other personalization (you don’t want to risk misplacing something with such sentimental value). And during this time, if you see a suspicious, but unconventionally handsome character prowling around your dorm, don’t pay him no nevermind – heck, offer him a beer. He’s probably just there to help watch out for the real thieves. \n• In fact, why not let someone else worry about your valuables? As I believe in backing up my words with actions, I volunteer to selflessly look after your things. Just send your costly, untraceable items to “Brian McFillen c/o The Indiana Daily Student, Ernie Pyle Hall.” Note: I cannot be held responsible for anything that gets lost in the mail. \nBelieve me, once you lose your fear, you’ll gain a richness of spirit far beyond any material wealth – and, really, what is the cost of a laptop or diamond bracelet compared to that?