Finding Nemo

NBA conspiracy theories are like your dead pet fish when you’re little. The fish hasn’t moved in a week. You know it’s dead. But every inch of your body wants to believe there is some life left in it and that soon it will magically start swimming again.\nIt is possible. Perhaps that 19-cent goldfish from Pet Smart is just sleeping? All the signs are there. He circled his small bowl for days on end. He doesn’t get much food. Maybe he just wanted to float and rest for a few days. It’s his vacation.\nLet’s call the NBA conspiracy theories “Nemo” and investigate whether he is just sleeping or if he is \nindeed dead.\nThis past Tuesday, the blockbuster trade between the Boston Celtics and the Minnesota Timberwolves has taken over basketball news. Kevin Garnett is going to Boston for basically the entire \nCeltic future.\nInteresting. A trade that has been rumored to happen for months magically occurs just a week after the announcement of crooked referee Tim Donaghy? The bad news is old news, and the new news is good. Seems fishy.\nI think I see a fin flapping.\nBut I think I’ve seen this movie before. Actually, I saw it not too long ago.\nRemember when Allen Iverson demanded a trade? Weeks went by and multiple trades were on the table. Then, Mardy Collins got in a huge fight with the Denver Nuggets, causing a mini-brawl. Carmelo Anthony, who before the brawl was one of the NBA’s more marketable guys, got suspended and put on the chopping block.\nWhat happened next? Billy Knight accepted the trade with the Nuggets that has been on the table the whole time.\nThe news immediately shifted from the brawl and Carmelo’s rottenness as a person to focus instead on questions of whether the two guys can play together. Bad news immediately becomes good news. Seems fishy.\nI think I see some fins\nmoving.\nWhat about the infamous 1985 draft lottery? The New York Knicks received the first pick in the lottery when the accountant dropped an envelope so that a bent corner was on the Knicks’ card.\nWho did they get the pick over?\nThe second pick went to the Indiana Pacers. Indiana or New York? Who would you rather have a big-name player like Patrick Ewing go to if you were in charge of the NBA? Seems fishy.\nI think I feel a heartbeat.\nBut the problem is that as much as I want to see Nemo swim home, I need to know he’s dead. Dory will be better off along with the rest of Nemo’s fans.\nUntil last week, my Nemo jokes were just that – jokes. Donaghy caused the NBA to sink into a deep bowl with almost no swimming room. He made the entire NBA fan-base question the integrity of the league.\nDavid Stern, commisioner for the NBA, is doing the best he can to minimize damage control. Now, anytime you hear a Nemo joke, you have to wonder if it holds water.\nGarnett is a Celtic, but did Stern have a hand in making the deal? What about the Iverson trade and the 1985 draft lottery? Did Stern rig those too? Donaghy is making people wonder.\nIs Nemo dead or alive? Only Stern really knows.\nEither way, every reporter, player, official, columnist and fan is trying to find “Nemo.”