Shake your Boilermaker

On Friday, the Journal & Courier of Lafayette, Ind., revealed that, on June 30, Purdue University spent $576,778 on a party for 600 donors to the university. Purdue justified the expense by saying that it was a drop in the bucket compared to the $1.7 billion the donors had contributed, and that costs had increased due to the location and timing of the event (Mollenkopf Athletic Center had to be specially equipped, and student musical groups were unavailable in the summer). \nIntrepid journalist that I am, I managed to get hold of a (purported) list of expenses from Purdue’s big donor blowout, along with notes from the event planning staff:\n• Tickets to send Purdue University’s parents on “surprise second honeymoon” ($2,000). “This’ll get them out of the house!”\n• Renovation to enlarge basement of Mollenkopf Athletic Center ($100,000). “We’re talking about 600 people – we can’t fit that many on the futon.”\n• Rental of party advisor, Massachusetts Institute of Technology ($10,000). “You remember when they made up MIT’s Great Dome to look like R2-D2? I hear he was totally behind that!” \n• Accounting and legal advice ($50,000). “Cause we don’t want to get in trouble.”\n• 600 “Dwarven Stone” 20-sided dice and giant 18-by-8 foot dungeon master’s screen ($2,400). “Friggin’ sweet!”\n• “Stargate SG-1” seasons 1-8, digital projector, rental of 660-square-foot outdoor screen ($4,240). “But not season nine, ‘cause the show has sucked since Richard Dean Anderson left.”\n• Speaker’s fee for Tom Morga, Leonard Nimoy’s stunt double from “Star Trek: The Motion Picture” ($2,200). “He was in that scene where Spock’s floating around in the spacesuit. Quit hatin’ – it was the best I could do.”\n• The Champagne Music of Lawrence Welk, DJ Killbot digital dance remix ($12). “Seriously phat beats.”\n• Helmets, kneepads, goggles ($3,000). “Since there’s going to be dancing.”\n• Motion sickness pills ($1,000). “Again, the dancing.”\n• Deodorant, 12 tons ($60,000).\n• Peppermint Schnapps, 50 cases ($25,000). “We gone get tore up, boyeee!” \n• Clean-up fees ($5,000). “Estimated cost following ingestion of 50 cases of Peppermint Schnapps.”\n• A woman ($250,000). “My friend’s sister – she said that for $250K, she’d stay at the party for half an hour. She’s way hot.”\n• Condoms, 600 ($225). “’Cause, OMG, there’s going to be a woman there!”\n• Clean underwear ($1,200). “OMG, a woman!”\n• Custom-built World of Warcraft costumes ($30,000). “This online company will totally make costumes that look like your avatar. For VIPs only.”\n• Student rental (20 students, $400 total). “In case the donors want to meet some students – how else can we get them to come to campus in summer?”\n• Liger rental ($10,000). “It’s the greatest animal ever: A lion and tiger mixed, bred for its skills in magic.”\n• Crimson and crème décor ($20,101). “’Cause if they know this is Purdue, people probably won’t come.” \nAccording to its hosts, the party was a rousing success, lasting until at least midnight. However, no guests could be reached for comment.