Bong wrong

This week, the Supreme Court ruled that First Amendment free speech protection did not extend to the case of an Alaskan high school student who was suspended for displaying a banner reading “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” at a school-sponsored event. The school argued that the statement was an endorsement of illegal drug use; the student argued, according to a June 25 Associated Press article, “He intended it to proclaim his right to say anything at all.” \nBut in all this tussle over free-speech rights versus schools’ “en loco parentis” responsibilities, an important aspect of this case appears to have gone neglected: the gross historical inaccuracy of suggesting that Jesus smoked a bong.\nGranted, the popular image of Jesus – the long hair and beard, the flowing robes, the sandals – could be interpreted as indications of possible bong use. And cannabis was available as a drug during Jesus’ time – its appearance in Chinese medical textbooks dates back to 2,700 B.C., and it had been employed for its medical and psychoactive properties in ancient India, Tibet, Assyria, Persia and Europe all before Jesus’ birth. (Although there is little evidence of its use by the most influential culture of his time, the Romans. Then again, it’s not like he was on good terms with the Romans). However, the timeline concerning the development of the bong (debated as it is) simply does not overlap with the timeline of Jesus’ life (debated as it is). \nWhile Jesus was born, lived and died sometime around the B.C.-A.D. crossover, evidence does not indicate that the bong itself is quite so old. If one adopts the common assumption that the bong is descended from the hookah or nargile popular among Middle Eastern and Central Asian cultures, this would put its origins in India at around the 15th century A.D. – hence, 1,400 years too late. An alternative theory, presented March 30 in the “On Marijuana” blog, argues that the bong has an African origin – the concept of smoking marijuana having traveled from Africa to Asia, rather than the other way around. But even if this theory is correct, the earliest African pipes date to 1100-1400 A.D. – again, much too late. Thus it is highly unlikely that there were any “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” at all.\nThis, then, speaks to a serious issue well beyond the limits of free speech among children in school – one that should be far more worrisome for educators. What does it say about the quality of our U.S. educational system when high school students express such glaring historical inaccuracies? We are, after all, talking about an error of at least 1,000 years. What’s next? Shall we have George Washington inventing the Twinkie? Did Napoleon listen to the “hip-hop” music? Is this where “No Child Left Behind” has brought us?\nHuh? What do you mean “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” was a joke? I don’t see what’s so funny about such disturbing historical inaccuracy. And I’m an academic – we never take things too seriously.