DUIs 4-eva

As news networks have told you by now, heiress and idiot Paris Hilton is going to the clink for driving with a suspended license after having previously been arrested for driving under the influence. While few in the tabloid media consider Paris’ penance unwarranted, Nancy Grace and her ratings-starved ilk raise an important question outside of the Hilton context: Is the punishment for drunk driving fair?\nThe punishment is just as fair as victimizing people who fall asleep at the wheel, or rear-end another car while looking at a navigation screen or do anything to increase their chances of being in an accident. That is to say, it’s not fair at all. \nThere’s a knee-jerk reaction to drunk driving: reverting to the image of a guy careening into a car full of teenagers going to the prom while that one Green Day song plays mysteriously from a shrub next to the school gymnasium. But seeing as how, say, a 17-year-old Laura Bush escaped prosecution for her involvement in a 1963 collision that killed her then-boyfriend, drunk drivers seem disproportionately criminalized. \nThough every wrongful death is certainly a tragic event, in 2004 there were a meager 604 alcohol-related fatalities - including everything from a sober driver killing a drunk pedestrian to an actual drunk driving accident - compared with more than 50,000 DUI arrests.\nDespite the number of drunk drivers arrested, there’s obviously a large disparity between arrests and deaths. Of course, driving under the influence is a voluntary action with potentially dangerous results. But, then again, so is speeding.\nIndiana officers can choose what type of field sobriety test to administer - by breathalyzer, blood test or urine sample - yet the offender has no option in submitting to these tests or in seeking legal counsel beforehand (can someone say “Fifth Amendment”?). Additionally, officers do not look for speeding as one of the signs of a possible drunk driver but rather for drivers who are going under the speed limit – i.e. people who know they are impaired and do not want to hurt others on the road. This fact certainly does not lead to the image of a reckless drunk driver peddled by the militant Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Of course, “per se” alcohol laws dictate that anyone with a BAC of .08 percent, regardless of intention or knowledge, is driving drunk.\nPerhaps people just need someone to blame, but alcohol causes only 39 percent of traffic fatalities. In fact, some anti-MADD sources claim that after combing through semantics, this figure is only 12.8 percent. Where’s the swift and easy justice granted to a person accidentally killed by sober drivers? The only comfort for the victim’s family in a sober accident comes in the form of a huge settlement in civil court. There’s no one to vilify. There’s no license suspension. Instead of attempting to keep people safe, we are scapegoating drunk drivers. \nSo don’t punish Paris; punish her parents, who raised a narcissistic sycophant with no purpose in life but to stare blankly, wear designer gowns only passable in Vegas and declare what’s “hot.” \nBut then again, accidents happen.