Nyuk, nyuk, yuck

Thus far, this has been a great decade for reunions -- and not merely because it has given all of us a chance to enjoy classic groups who disbanded before we graduated from nappies. Much of its greatness is due to the fact that vitally important bands who were snubbed in their heyday have returned to receive the attention (and financial rewards) that they richly deserve -- The Pixies, Dinosaur Jr., The New York Dolls, Mission of Burma, Sebadoh, The Jesus & Mary Chain, etc. \nAnd so, you'd think that a new album by The Stooges -- who, in hindsight, proved to be one of the critical bands of the 20th century (and with the late bassist Dave Alexander replaced by Mike Watt of legendary '80s punk band The Minutemen!) -- would be a cause for celebration.\nWell, you'd be wrong. Oh dear God, you'd be wrong.\nAccording to a Dec. 19, 2006, Rolling Stone interview, while they recorded their new LP, The Weirdness, in a quick seven days, the band spent three years writing 40 pieces of music, from which Iggy Pop chose 12 tracks to add lyrics and vocals -- making Weirdness a far more conscientious undertaking than the quickly written, quickly recorded, drug-addled process behind the Stooges' late-'60s/early-'70s masterpieces. However, upon hearing Weirdness, the idea that it garnered more than a week's preparation will simply amaze you -- the band shows no chemistry, little energy and three-fourths of the tracks are made up of such similar, generic components that they sound like the aural equivalent of paint-by-numbers. In their prime, The Stooges roared like a force of nature -- Weirdness "roars" like four middle-aged dentists who jam in a garage on weekends.\nBut what makes Weirdness both truly awful and unintentionally hilarious is Iggy's lyrics. Now, no one should expect Iggy to be Dylan -- but song after song approaches Spinal Tap territory. My personal favorite comes at the very beginning, in "Trollin'": "I see your hair as energy / my dick is turnin' into a tree." In "Free and Freaky," he rhymes "ah, Obama," "Dalai Lama," "baby mama," "ooh, Madonna," "Benihana" and "intifada" to create 2007's most instantaneously dated song. And preciously, in "ATM," he criticizes rich, pampered rock stars who "no longer rock." So, Iggy, exactly how much do you make by licensing "Lust For Life" for Royal Caribbean Cruises commercials, again?