Me and YouTube

Nicotine, Aver's and sexual favors. \nNatty Light, corn and Internet porn.\nOn the ever-expanding list of college addictions, the Web site YouTube.com is easily at the top. The video site, which was established exactly two years ago today, has quickly become a ubiquitous IU obsession, getting more hits campuswide than bongs on 4/20. With such a wide variety of videos, it's become popular among students of all ages, races and orientations.\nHeterosexual cybergeeks, pumped up on Red Bulls and frustrated semen, ogle video clips from the lonelygirl15 series, printing freeze-framed cleavage stills and taping them to the shower.\nDrunken sorority chicks, after stumbling home from Kilroy's at 3 a.m., watch the "Shoes" video repetitively, laughing so hard they barf all over a crinkled copy of "A Walk to Remember." \nGay "American Idol" fanatics, using their remote controls as microphones, lip-sync along to Kelly Clarkson's original audition video "Express Yourself," wondering if -- conversely -- she's ever made a pair of pants ... out of a shirt. \nThough the aforementioned videos are popularized by these niche audiences, there are still a variety of videos that nearly everyone can agree on. Which is why, to celebrate the site's anniversary, I have composed a column dedicated to honoring the best clips YouTube has to offer. The winners are:\nStrangest: "Text Message Breakup"\nAs the sequel to the entertainingly-moronic "Shoes", this video shows the protagonist Kelly's reaction to being broken up with via cell-phone text messages. It features dancing Stormtroopers, roller-skating vampires and a guest appearance by Margaret Cho, clad in a skintight leather jumper. Eerie, but awesome. \nCutest: "Panda Sneezing"\nPandas are adorable by nature. So adorable, in fact, they're frequently mistaken for me. In this video, this "cute factor" is taken to the extreme, with the delightful addition of ejected panda snot.\nCraziest: "World's Most Dangerous Comic"\nPerforming on the show "America's Got Talent," a comedian attempts to catch a bowling ball covered in spikes and lit on fire -- with his face. Oh, and did I mention he also has live scorpions in his pants? \nFunniest: "Sex Tape Transcript"\nIn the satirical spirit of "Saturday Night Live," this skit features a group of faux Shakespearean actors who join together to read the Colin Farrell sex-tape transcript in heavy, British accents. \nArtiest: "Noah takes a photo of himself every day for 6 years"\nThe title says it all. This video presents a rapid slide show of one man's self-taken digital pictures for over six years, featuring 2,356 pictures and, consequently, 2,356 really bad haircuts. Nevertheless, the piece is stylishly crafted. Set to music, this collage of digital evolution is not only creative, but strangely beautiful. \nBest Voice: Lara Simms\nOne of the unique advantages of YouTube is the ability for talented, local artists to gain nationwide exposure. Simms, for example, an undiscovered artist who has uploaded about 30 of her own videos, has already harvested quite a fan base. Her collection of clips has received thousands of views and complimentary reviews, all noting a blossoming star.\nEnjoy the videos, my little honeys!