What did the five fingers say to the face?!

Mr. Big, professional midget wrestler, leaps off the top rope of the ring and tackles cruiser-weight wrestler Bobby Black in his signature move, the "drop kick off the top rope." All 4'9" and 135 pounds of Mr. Big knocks Black onto the mat with a slam, but soon Black and his tag team partner have managed to pin Mr. Big. \nEnter TVZ.\nThe tag-team comprised of brothers Tom and Troy Van Zant rushes into the ring, though whether it is to help Mr. Big or beat on their chief rivals, tag-team Bobby Black and Donny Idol, is unclear. The crowd cheers for TMZ and Mr. Big or boos their opponents, shouting "Opie" at Idol because of his baby face. Wrestlers fly out of the ring right and left, occasionally pausing to clobber each other on the way.\nDing, ding, ding — the bell rings and an early match of last Saturday's show is over for the time being. But at Hoosier Professional Wrestling, it ain't really over until founder Jerry Wilson says so. \nWhen I first set out for Wilson's wrestling ring in Columbus, Ind., I was a little nervous, given that I don't know the difference between any of the many acronym-ed wrestling associations. Nevertheless, Hoosier Pro Wrestling turned out to be entirely more entertaining than I expected. The wrestlers constantly interacted with the crowd. Usually the crowd insulted the wrestler's ability or his sister, while wrestlers responded with comments about the crowd's choices of hairstyle.\n"I'll knock the rest of your teeth out," one wrestler, Dr. Love, hollers at a heckling fan. \nOthers play to the crowd. "The Bouncer" emerges from behind the tarp marking off a "backstage" area carrying a keg of beer on his shoulders and yells, "Who wants some beeeeeeeer?"\nNot surprisingly, the fans approve of the Bouncer, who ends up winning his match. \nWilson has hosted fights in the Family Arts Center at the Bartholomew County 4-H Fairgrounds every month for almost the last nine years. He uses about 40-50 wrestlers every year and even fights them once in a while.\n"I occasionally get beat up," he corrects.\nAfter the Mr. Big-Idol-Black-TVZ fight, Wilson decrees that the best is yet to come. He orders Idol and Black to find a third partner and face Mr. Big and TVZ once more before the night is out. The crowd cheers, and Idol and Black snag Big John Wall as their partner. The challenge is on.\nAs more matches take place, I grow used to the loud smacking sound every time the wrestlers hit the ground. And I was growing to be just a tiny bit curious when suddenly someone noticed me flinching at each throw.\n"You don't know anything about wrestling at all, do you?" \nApparently not. But does that mean that it sounds a lot worse than it is, or that it isn't real? \n"We don't do fake," Wilson says. "It's real, the punches are good. If you aren't trained right and you fall wrong, you could break your neck." \nAfter I see one wrestler twist his knee, this seems fair enough. And the wrestlers? \n"It's as real as you believe it is," Mr. Big says. "If the crowd says it's real, it is. And I've had cracked ribs, a broken leg and a bruised kidney. I was in the hospital for 30 days, pissing blood."\nWalking through the crowd — and seeing two-year-old Jayden attempt to tackle his father, smack-down style — I start to feel more comfortable. I easily dash around scattering chairs as wrestlers tumble into the crowd, and I settle down next to a row of particularly intense fans to watch the melee.\n"I've been watching since childhood — I watch it on TV every Thursday and come here every month," Jennifer Eckiwaudah says. "I cheer for TVZ, always. Those other guys (Black and Idol) disrespected me personally."\nThe "show" — everyone is very careful to refer to it this way, not as a competition — is held in the Family Arts Center, which on other days holds activities such as the Saddle Club. And it certainly is a family event. Along one row sat four generations of a family, all screaming and heckling the wrestlers without mercy.\n"I've been watching since — shit — since the 1960s," Beverly Rumple, who attended with her mother, daughter and grandson, says. "I've been coming here every month. They have good matches." \nFor her part, Rumple, who is married to the son of wrestling legend Dick the Bruiser, says HPW wrestling is real. And a veteran of almost 50 years of wrestling fandom, she'd certainly be someone who'd know. \n"It's not like its fake, they're really wrassling," Rumple says. "Some places you go its staged. But to me, this is real."\nWhich brought up another point: the "wrestling" versus "wrasslin'" dilemma. As a wrestling (wrasslin') newbie, I have no idea what the difference is.\n"It's 'wrestling,' but down South you say it 'wrasslin,'" Wilson says. \nWilson also trains fighters, he says, and he has about four in training right now. He once trained Jillian Hall, a female wrestler who made it to "WWE Smackdown!" On this note, he mentions that he could certainly train me. An option I briefly consider before finding out that beginning wrestlers make about $30 per fight, which is only slightly better than a career in journalism and with considerably more pain involved. \nBut TVZ and company have returned for the three-on-three match, and I go back to paying attention. By this point, any semblance of rules have been abandoned, and though it is supposed to be one wrestler fighting at a time, soon all three are smacking each other. And apparently the ring was just a guideline, because most of them have totally abandoned it, fighting in the crowd and walloping each other with chairs. The more painful looking hits include Big John Wall — at least 300 pounds — jumping on top of the comparatively diminutive Van Zant brothers. \nBut ultimately, TVZ emerge as victors and seemingly all 185 members of the crowd erupt. Unfortunately for TVZ, however, Tom Van Zant twists his knee and is taken out of competition. Still, the show goes on as brother Troy teams up with someone else for remaining fights.\nMore fights follow, including a final "bloodbath" between Diceman Ronnie Vegas and Ox Harley, with Wilson himself getting involved. It ends in double disqualification after the contenders violently scattered most of the chairs and tables around the ring. But it garnered loud cheers — though one little girl hid in the bathroom to avoid the wrestlers. \n"'The Hammer' didn't show, but we gave them a good show anyway," Wilson says, mopping his forehead. "Nobody is leaving disappointed, and they'll be back next month."\nThe next show will be Jan. 6. Though I can't promise that I'll have committed to a future in professional wrestling by then, the important thing is that I have options.