Sweet, sweet candy

Will you be playing Candy Land or Chutes and Ladders?" I asked my roommate, the dutiful business major, as she left to study for an exam on game theory.\n"Candy Land," she said. Apparently Chutes and Ladders is for advanced game theory. \nBoth board games are a staple in the childhood of Americans, but Candy Land is clearly superior. The rift between those who favor Candy Land and those who favor Chutes and Ladders dates back centuries. The conflict between the two is the little known spark behind many of history's most dramatic events such as the U.S. Civil War, World War II and the explosion at Pompeii. When archeologists found the perfectly preserved form of Gloppy the Molasses Monster in the ashes, they knew the truth.\nI risk having a knife pulled on me in the parking lot by one of Chutes and Ladders' many violent cronies just for making my preference publicly known. But how can a game where your reward is receiving the opportunity to pretend to climb a ladder even compare to a game about sweet, sweet candy? Ladders are often dangerous and unstable. Candy is delicious.\nI'll concede that the two games are very similar. Neither game requires any skill whatsoever, thus making them both popular with children, morons and moronic children.\nIf you're unfamiliar with the games, each has a board with a grid. You spin a wheel or draw a card to progress along the board. There are various algorithms involved. I can't really explain it.\nCandy Land stands out when you consider the main demographic of both games: little children. What do little children like more than candy?\nPuppies? Friendship? Love?\nNo. The answer is nothing. And if you're not actually eating candy, the next closest thing is taking a magical journey to the Gumdrop Mountains or Peanut Brittle House, living vicariously through a plastic gingerbread man.\nChutes and Ladders might appeal to children because its game board is similar to a playground with its chutes and ladders. Between 1990 and 2000, 147 children 14 years old or younger died from playground-related injuries, according to the Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Falls from playground equipment account for a higher proportion of severe injuries than bicycle or car crashes, according to a study released in 2001 by the Cincinnati's Children's Hospital Medical Center.\nThe high sugar content of candy has obvious health risks, but when was the last time you fell off a lollipop and broke your arm?\nHowever, playing Candy Land isn't about choosing heart disease over paralysis. I'm 21 years old, and a game I played when I was 3 years old still impacts my daily life. People are always looking for methodologies for making choices. What would (insert deity or celebrity here) do?\nWhenever I weigh two options in life, I always choose the one that's most similar to eating candy. It's never steered me wrong. I don't even regret the high dentist bills because I know I've made King Kandy, Mr. Mint and Princess Lolly very proud.