School tie-ins

Last Thursday, the Indiana Daily Student reported that IU's summer enrollment "has declined for the third year in a row," and that "Summer Session I enrollment is down 2.8 percent from last year" while the unreleased Summer Session II figures are also expected to be lower. An interview with Director of Summer Sessions and Associate Vice Chancellor for Academic Affairs Leslie Coyne yielded two possible explanations for the decline: the popularity of summer internships and competition from Ivy Tech. Meanwhile, IU Executive Director of University Reporting & Research Todd Schmitz suggested in the July 6 issue of the IDS that "the implementation of the PeopleSoft system has had an impact on summer enrollment."\nWhatever the case, the butts-to-seats ratio is going down, and it's clear that something has to be done. But what? As higher education transitions to a customer-service industry, perhaps it's time that we took a closer look at how to push a product. If I might make a few modest proposals:\n• Special summer deals. It's time to make the customers -- er, students -- feel like they're getting a bargain. How about: Learn one language, get another for half-price (offer not valid for Spanish, French or German)? Or super-size from basic to advanced calculus for just 25 cents more. Or a free English composition class for, well, practically anyone from an Indiana public high school?\n• Cross-promotion. Everyone else is doing it, why not us? Well, actually, we're already doing it too (note those Nike and Adidas IU caps, or the Coca-Cola vending machines). We're just not doing it for courses. Not yet, anyway. How about a free Starbucks gift card for every student taking Constitutional Law? Or buy a Toyota Prius, get a free week of the School of Public and Environmental Affairs' "Environmental Problems and Solutions"? And why can't we run ads in one class for another -- "if you like Greek Mythology I, you'll love Interpreting Population Demographics!"\n• Give the public what it wants. Now, admittedly -- thanks to the Internet, cable, personal computers, etc. -- it gets harder and harder to determine what an audience wants. Blockbuster movies or network television, for example, are being severely challenged by media that appeal to a thousand different narrow interests. During the regular school year, IU does quite a good job at taking the niche approach. But, during the summer, when all those specialized professors are out of town, it may be time to do what the mass media outlets do: appeal to the lowest common denominator. Some suggested classes: "The Philosophy of 'American Idol,'" "The Biology of Totally Gross Diseases," "1,001 Ways the World is Sure to End in Your Lifetime," "The History of the Keg Stand" or "Euclidian Geometry for Hot Teenage Amateurs." And, of course, there's always the most popular of courses: "Get An 'A' For Registering."\nThese humble suggestions are merely to get the ball rolling. But, after all, when students don't want to stay in class all summer, what's this world coming to?