Info overload

Didja have a nice Easter weekend? \nDidja go on an Easter egg hunt? And have Cadbury cream eggs? And sit on the Easter Bunny's lap? And throw Easter grass all around? And break out those Peeps you've been keeping stashed away in the pantry since last Easter, so they'd be nice and crunchy? Well, didja have a good time? Well, didja? Didja? Didja?\nMe? What did I do for Easter weekend, you ask? \nI spent it reading about bear attacks; and contact lens cleaner infested with toxic eye fungus; and a suicide bomber who could only be identified by the hand he left behind; and the proper temperature to cook chicken to avoid catching bird flu; and nuclear threats from Iran; and a bloke who chopped up a little girl and planned to eat her; and escalating tensions between Sudan and Chad; and the re-segregation of the school system of Omaha, Neb.; and worries that a new program letting Apple computers use Microsoft Windows will wipe out the Mac operating system; and reminiscences from a fashion model who claims to have been Angelina Jolie's lesbian lover.\nWell, OK, that last bit wasn't bad -- and there's no way being able to boot Windows will kill off the Mac OS (it'd be like trading in your Lexus for an '88 Ford Festiva) -- but the rest was awful. \nEvery once in awhile -- especially around election-time -- a survey comes out that says that you young people pay bugger-all attention to the news (save The Daily Show). However, they never ask the question: Why should you? \nWhy did I have to know about Russia's Pig Olympics, or about a priest in Toledo, Ohio, accused of the ritual-slaying of a nun (with a letter-opener!), or that medical science has finally given us pregnant robots? A couple days spent reading Internet news feeds, and I don't feel any smarter. I just feel like retreating up into the hills with boxes of toilet paper, ammo and stale Peeps -- to wait for the inevitable mutant-filled \napocalypse.\nThe Web has dropped us into a sort of hyper-reality, where almost anything can be known in a very short amount of time. And some of it is stuff you'll regret knowing. And yet, while ignorance might be bliss, access to information is increasingly important to our lives -- thus, such bliss is becoming a luxury item. No wonder celebrities often come off sounding like spoiled 13-year-olds when they spout off about current events.\nBut maybe there's a way to square the circle between knowledge and happiness. Maybe next time you're running across the quad, late for an exam 'cause you accidentally slept in; or you didn't get that internship you wanted; or your supposed soul-mate just told you to take a long walk off a short fjord; or whatever, you might be able look at the beauty around you and think to yourself: Well, at least I'm not that poor sucker who got eaten by the bear. \nNot yet, anyway.