Commence the search!

With less than a month until graduation, the IU commencement speaker has yet to be announced. No reason to panic, because IU is known for its titillating, inspirational, and emotionally gripping graduation speakers, right?\nWrong. IU commencement speakers have been known to bore and bore royally, while several other institutions get to have their pick of academia's literati. And frankly, we have the right to be a little jealous. \nIU has had a recent history of hapless Hoosiers who have allowed graduates to catch up on zzz's lost during finals week. It doesn't help that public universities are not allowed to pay for commencement speakers -- but come on. The selection committee doesn't even seem to be trying.\nIndiana Sen. Richard Lugar, IU President Adam Herbert and former Indiana first lady Judy O'Bannon have been among those who recently made valiant efforts, but their collective work is barely worth a thank-you-for-participating ribbon. IU has to be able to do better than the human Ambient pills they have brought here, and they can do better -- we know it. So we have taken it upon ourselves to offer a few suggestions IU. (You can thank us later.)\nOption One: IU alumnus, businesses mogul and Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban. What's better than an IU graduate, working in a field that he loves, that just happens to be a billionaire? Good role model? We think so. And we don't think we have to worry that much about paying him, because he is a billionaire. We're fairly sure that this billionaire, who has dabbled in film, technology and science, would be thrilled to share like 10 words of wisdom with the IU community.\nOption Two: Sarah Clarke, a.k.a. Nina Myers of the hit Fox television show "24." She's an IU alumna who has to be \ndesperate for some publicity since being killed off on the show. Qualifying her even more is the fact that she is one of the few who have had the nerve to stand up to Jack Bauer, an amazing feat in itself, one worthy of celebration in the academic community.\nOption Three: Singer Vitamin C. So what if she has no known IU connections and her career is solely based on one song. It's the greatest (and cheesiest) graduation song of all time, bound to engender a tear or two, a few extra hug, and corny reflection upon the past. And what is a graduation without crying and hugs, interjected by only more crying ... and a \nfew more hugs?\nOption Four: Some zany IU professor. We know they're out there. The kind that have mixed chemicals together and blown up their classroom (comically, of course) or ones that wear boy ties and baggy jeans. Anything is better than what we have had, so please try, IU! \nGraduations should be for laughing, crying, inspiration and reflection, not boredom, sleep, text messaging family members and more sleep. Graduates' last memory of IU should be spellbinding, and we trust the administration will follow our advice. Or else we're napping.