Upset with 'Crash' upset win

Gee, first joke of the night- a "Brokeback Mountain" joke, what a surprise. The gag about the old hosts was clever, just in time for Jon Stewart's hosting debut, one aspect I'm definitely looking forward to this year. The opening monologue is decent, but they should be making a lot more fun of the celebrities in the audience. We get several chuckles out of jokes about Bjork, "Crash," and "Walk the Line". Another "Brokeback Mountain" gag. If they haven't done AT LEAST 15 by the end of the night, like Werner Herzog, I will eat my own leather shoe. I'll cook it in olive oil, with maybe some potatoes au gratin on the side, and a nice merlot. \nNicole Kidman looks gorgeous and classic as usual. Her opening comments are eloquent; usually those intros are stodgy and stupidly written. No surprise as George Clooney wins for "Syriana". The former Batman/sexiest man alive 1997 picks up the award for his performance in "Syriana," a good performance, but not nearly as heartfelt or touching as those of Jake Gyllenhaal or Paul Giammatti. His speech, however, is one of the best I've ever heard. No thanking agents, no thanking script supervisors or "the little people." He actually makes a political statement, intelligently stated, with a little self-deprecating humor thrown in for good measure. \nBen Stiller is presenting? Oh yeah, I forgot his Oscar-nominated turn in "Zoolander". No? Maybe I'm thinking of "Meet the Parents"? Wrong again? Oh no…I've got it, he was nominated for directing "Reality Bites". Oh right, he is not even remotely talented enough to ever have been nominated, but ABC is desperate for ratings, which much explain his presence. "King Kong" wins for special visual effects, another high point in Peter Jackson's so far stellar career. \nBest Animated Feature is up. I know the fun Brit flick is going to take it away, but it would be nice if Hayao Miyazaki was acknowledged for being one of the best animation filmmakers of all time for "Howl's Moving Castle". And it looks like the Brits have brought little Oscar fitting ties for the statues; as if they couldn't scream they knew they were going to win any louder. \nDolly Parton's musical number is up. I haven't yet heard this song, but from what I can tell, it's pretty good. This is the category in which I rarely place in any stock, as past winners include Celine Dion (over the genius of Elliot Smith), Eminem, and Barbra Streisand. Who would have thought that she could still be on the ins with Hollywood after that "Rhinestone" fiasco. I'm just glad she's sticking to music this year. \nIs it just me, or does it seem like they're doing something very strange with the commercials this year? Each one is like a short film. The coke commercial has a linear storyline with a plot and resolution. Even commercials are going indie. \nThe Wilson brothers are up to present Best Short Film. I haven't seen any of these short films here but I've heard good things about my winning pick "Six Shooter." Irish-born Martin McDanagh does a nice short speech. Are the allotted speech times now directly related to the length of the films that nominees win for? Or does most of the country just not care about who wins for the short films they will never be able to find at Blockbuster? Yeah, it's probably the latter. \nOk, I'd just like to say that for Best Animated short, I based my pick off of which one had the most "Oscar-winning" sounding title, and my pick won. John Canemaker and Peggy Stern accept the award "The Moon and the Son", which features the voice of John Turturro. \nWow, even Jennifer Aniston says something honest and clever in her intro, stating that the only ensembles that really matter on Oscar night are those that are nominated for Best Costume Design. Colin Atwood deservedly wins for "Memoirs of a Geisha," a film that would not have worked a tenth as well if not for the amazing costumes she designed. \nRussell Crowe is here???? After being snubbed for "Cinderella Man?" Guess he is trying to get back into Oscar's good books. \nWell, it was just a matter of time. I've been saying for years that the biopic was going to someday become a genre unto itself. So how appropriate is it that they've included a biopic tribute montage for this year's show? \nWill Farrell and Steve Carrell are presenting too? They really are desperate for ratings. There seems to be a theme for the presenters this year, they have been in the most commercially successful films of the year, while the people they're giving the awards to have been making politically-charged indie dramas no one would have seen if they hadn't been nominated. I guess the Oscar marketing team knew what it was doing to get people to watch. \n"The Chronicles of Narnia" wins for Best Makeup, most likely the only award it will win for the night if it keeps losing to "King Kong." \nJon Stewart makes his best joke of the night so far, about the giant statue behind him. "If we all pulled this down, will democracy prevail in Hollywood?" \nMorgan Freeman, an actual Oscar-winner, presents for Best Supporting Actress. I was happy with all these performances, and I knew Weisz would win, but watching that clip of Michelle Williams just further convinces me how disappointing it is that she has been losing to Weisz all year, and for other reason than that Weisz has been promoting herself all over Hollywood and the late-night TV circuit in an exhausting effort to make herself visible to the members of the academy. Well, the former "Mummy" star's work has paid off. Now maybe the grosses for "The Mummy 3" will sky-rocket. \nOk, this film noir ode is the BEST retrospective montage that I've ever seen the Oscars do. \nYAYAYAYAYAAY!!! Stephen Colbert is doing a bit, and it's making fun of all the best actress nominees. See, this is the kind of comedy that the Oscars need to do more often. \nIs it just me, or does Terrence Howard sound like a more intelligent Mike Tyson? \nBest Documentary (short subject)- Once again, I had to use my powers of recognizing Oscar-winning sounding names for my pick in this category, as I haven't seen any of the films in this category either. "A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin" wins the statue. \nAnd the documentary feature is up. Ok, I'm boycotting this category this year. Just the fact the actual best documentary of the year "Grizzly Man" got screwed out of a nomination and some movies about wheelchair sports and penguins got nominated instead is reason enough to write off the entire category. The penguin movie wins, with the filmmakers hugging stuffed penguins on the stage during the acceptance speech. \nAnd Jennifer Lopez presents the "Crash" best song nominee, further adding credence to my theory regarding the Academy's picks for presenters this year. The nominee for "Crash" is "In the Deep," which Kathleen York (who is also a great actress I might add) is singing. And, OH MY GOD, there's some weird interpretive dance going on in the background, and OH MY GOD, it features dance versions of actual scenes from "Crash". Seriously, there's an African-American girl getting felt up by a cop, a burning car, etc… Just when you didn't think the Oscars could get any more shameless. Now that the multi-ethnic dancers have departed, we're going to a commercial break I was never so happy to see. \nThe "Speed" team is together again. Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves step up to deliver the Art Direction award. "Memoirs of a Geisha" carries away another visual award, and is deservedly recognized for its breathtaking attention to detail. \nHollywood finally recognizes its preoccupation with politically motivated films in a montage that is both reflective and appropriately timed. Some of the best films of all time are featured in the clips, the second best montage I've ever seen on the Oscars, next to the film noir montage of a half an hour ago. What are the odds? \nThis is cool. Violinist Itzhak Perlman plays pieces from each of the scores that are nominated. It seems they have gotten Selma Hayek to present this award because she can correctly pronounce the names of all the nominees. The Argentina-born Gustavo Santaolalla accepts the award with grace, paying tribute to the film "Brokeback Mountain," Ang Lee, and his mom. \nAnd wow, they've followed up the two best montages I've seen at the Oscars with the worst montage I've seen, ever. Jake Gyllenhaal does some weird pitch to save films from going extinct on the big screen at the hands of the explosive DVD revolution. I hate to break it to the Academy, but I think this is pretty much futile. \nAnd another Jon Stewart gem, "Wow, and later we will see an Oscar montage paying tribute to montages." \nJessica Alba and Eric Bana present the award for Best Sound Editing, which goes to "King Kong". It's a good time to be friends with Peter Jackson, all the winners for "King Kong" also won for "The Lord of the Rings". \nMeryl Streep and Lilly Tomlin do a little Abbot and Costello thing paying tribute to Robert Altman. Their fly-by-the minute duo works well, paying tribute to the great director. Altman is being awarded the honorary Oscar for his career in filmmaking - also because the Academy is guilty for having never given him an Oscar before. \nAnd the Oscars get the Grammy treatment with "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp." Though the song doesn't strike me as particularly original, I must admit that female lead singer has one strong set of pipes. Wow. "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" actually wins. And true to the stereotypes, the camera zooms in on EVERY black person in the audience, on stage, some back stage, maybe there are some outside by the rope line they missed. \nWow, Jon Stewart is a god. His jokes just get better. "I think it just got easier out here for a pimp." \nAnother Stephen Colbert bit. Yes. \n"King Kong" wins for sound editing. Wow, shock there. \nGeorge Clooney introduces the "People Who've Died in the Last Year" retrospective. Robert Wise is dead? I had no idea… \nWill Smith presents the award for Best Foreign Film, which went to the South African film "Tsotsi," a surprise as the much-lauded "Paradise Now" seemed a shoe-in. "Tsotsi" Director Gavin Hood makes a great speech, paying tribute to his native country. \nJon Stewart: "For those of you keeping track, Martin Scorsese, 0 Oscars, 36 Mafia, 1." Best joke in Oscar history, thanks for keeping it all in perspective Jon. \nThe Money Category: Best Male Actor in a Lead Role \nThe much-anticipated Best Actor award is up, and we watch clips of all the best and most powerful male performances of the year. This is the best year in many years for lead actors, and the tie between Ledger and Hoffman ends in Hoffman's favor. Philip Seymour Hoffman has been one of the best actors in the film industry for over a decade. Sadly, it took an astonishing performance, as Truman Capote, for anyone to notice. More sadly, however, is the fact he finally won the award in a year he didn't deserve it. Ledger's performance was the best of the year, as once again, the Academy proves how wrong they often get it. \nJohn Travolta is up to present the award for Best Cinematographer. Now, I get that they need to get presenters that will draw viewers, a theme for this commentary, but I don't get why they choose ones that have absolutely nothing to do with the awards they're presenting. \nJamie Foxx is up to present the award for Best Actress. It's strange that in a year for such good acting from the men, there is such lackluster acting from women in lead roles. Reese Witherspoon's good performance wins over Felicity Huffman's amazing one, but that seems to be a theme tonight. Witherspoon thanks the writers, director, her co-star, mom and dad, etc… And the award for the most original Oscar acceptance speech goes to... \nDustin Hoffman presents the award for Best Adapted Screenplay, which thankfully goes to Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana for "Brokeback Mountain". I get nine kinds of thrills when the writers who deserve to win actually do. Diana Ossana convinced Larry McMurtry to adapt the screenplay for "Brokeback Mountain" almost ten years ago, and the two come full circle tonight winning the Oscar for their brilliant screenplay. \nBest Original Screenplay goes to Paul Haggis and Robert Moresco for "Crash." It is no great surprise that the Oscar programmers rudely cut any chance Moresco had for a speech after Haggis finished, but the audience reaction from Charlize Theron and Terrence Howard is priceless. \nOscar veteran Tom Hanks presents the award for Best Director, which goes to the brilliant and incomparable Ang Lee. He has the best speech of the night so far, thanking Annie Proulx for her story and the indelible characters she created in Jack and Ennis. \nJack Nicholson, in true Jack Nicholson form, hams it up presenting the Oscar for best film. Luckily, we don't have to deal with him for long. And after Brokeback wins we can all, wait a minute, what did he just say? It sounded like it was too short to be Brokeback Mountain. Indeed, it sounded like a one-syllable word…I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!!!!! CRASH????????? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?????? \nOk, I've been pacing around my room for the past ten minutes, have angrily phoned several people, and am ready to say something about this debacle. The Academy has forgone their sanity, and actually voted "Crash" the best film of the year. To be fair, the ensemble drama was a top-tier film that deserves to be considered a cinematic success. But honestly thinking that this film is superior, in any way, to "Brokeback Mountain," is a sign that the Academy has no desire to be taken seriously ever again. Not only has Brokeback been hailed as the best film of the year by most critical organizations, but it is quickly gaining a reputation as being one of the best films of all time. I don't know if the Oscars can ever win my trust back, cause for now, it looks like the Academy has lost my legitimate attention forever.