Pilot this column

When our generation was young, it must have been much easier to get a strong idea made into a TV show. In the late '80s to early '90s, you didn't necessarily need a big name Charlie Sheen-caliber actor attached to star, there were no over-the-top reality shows making it more difficult for "in house" shows and creators didn't have to be so darn creative. Heck, in 1989, NBC gave financial backing to "Seinfeld," a self-admitted show about nothing. In those days, a simple yet logical idea was all it took to bump a show from treatment to pilot to prime time. \nThink of the early '90s shows like "The Wonder Years," "You Can't Do That On Television," (come on, it put Nickelodeon on the map) the entire lineup of T.G.I.F. and to a lesser extent, "Roseanne" and "America's Funniest Home Videos" (which almost could be considered reality except for Bob Saget's hosting). Now imagine hearing one of these shows being pitched to a studio back in the day: \n"So there's this single dad who's a complete anal neat freak and he has three blonde daughters. He needs help raising them so he invites his smooth-haired, rock star brother-in-law and G-rated joke-peddling best friend to live in his house. Weekly hysteria ensues, topped off by a wholesome moral."\nOr this one: \n"It's a Canadian teen sketch comedy, sort of a 'Saturday Night Live' for kids, but there's a twist to it: every time someone asks for water or says the phrase, "I don't know," they get drenched in green slime that mysteriously falls from the sky. Oh yeah, and it co-stars a pre-pop star Alanis Morissette." \nOr even better: \n"We take the neat freak dad from 'Full House' and make him the host of a show where people send in funny home videos, for instance, a kid hitting his dad in the crotch with a whiffle ball. It's a winner!" \nClearly, those were some of the top pilots of their time; otherwise they would not have been produced, but I have trouble believing the aforementioned shows could easily be green-lighted today, which got me thinking: If the awesome shows from our childhood would be considered sub par pilots today, how would they stack up against the treatments that have recently been up for a pilot? \nI then decided to conduct an investigation to see if the oldies could compare to the shows up for network piloting today, using only subjective analysis. Here's what I found; I will let you be the judge:\n"Medium:" Drama about a woman who struggles to balance her psychic abilities with her family life. \n"The Middleman:" Oscar-winning writer Chris McQuarrie ("The Usual Suspects") has a new drama about a man who straddles the line between good and evil. The project is described as a 21st-century take on "The Equalizer" in which the lead is viewed as a crook by the cops and a cop by the crooks.\n"Untitled" John Stamos project: Stamos is a guy on a daylong first date with a woman. The entire season chronicles that one date. \n"Never Mind Nirvana:" Comedy about what happens when an Indian-American doctor's immigrant parents move in with him and his Caucasian wife.\n"Hub:" A quirky drama set at Los Angeles International Airport. Starring someone named Blair.\n"Mr. Ed:" Comedy update of the 1960s talking horse series. \n"You Can't Not Do That on Television:" Teen sketch comedy meets 'The Breakfast Club,' where anyone can be slimed at anytime for moving a certain way. Marc Summers guest stars as "the adult." \n"Untitled Danny Bonaduce project:" About a doctor (Bonaduce) who unravels medical mysteries. \n"Untitled" Ann Coulter project: Follows Coulter's lectures at various universities and nursing homes (might be optioned to Comedy Central or FOX News due to inflammatory language and a pie-in-the-face scene). \n"Chillin:'" About a 20-something guy who "chills" on the couch most of the day and has adventures involving his wacky neighbors. \n"Untitled:" The series focuses on the hilarity that ensues when blunted rappers move into a big house in a New Jersey suburb. Starring former 'Daily Show' correspondent Beth Littleford.\n"The Teenage Investor:" Domestic comedy about an ordinary family coming to grips with the financial genius of their teenage son. Produced by Kevin Spacey.\n"Commando Nanny:" Based on 'Survivor' maestro Mark Burnett's experience as a young ex-British commando working as a live-in nanny for a Beverly Hills family.\n"Punk-ed: Old Skool:" Practical jokes and hilarious setups are played on elderly folk at random retirement homes. Hosted by 'Saved by the Bell' alum Mario 'A.C.' Lopez. \n"Nikki and Nora:" About two female private eyes. (OR) About two lesbian private detectives based in New Orleans.\n"My Best Friend is a Big Fat Slut:" (I didn't think the synopsis needed to be included given the title). \nI don't think I'll be able to end with a better title than that. So, who wants to watch some TV?