Magic, farts and a Doogal?

Americans are drooling idiots. At least, that's what the Weinstein Company seems to believe. What other explanation can there be for the movie "Doogal?"\n"Doogal" is based on a stop-motion television series called "The Magic Roundabout," which first originated in France and went on to become a hit in Great Britain during the '60s and '70s. The movie was screened in the U.K. and then retooled for American audiences by the newly formed Weinstein Company. \nDon't let the film's Anglo-Franco origins fool you. Every ounce of wit and dry English humor has been painstakingly sucked from the film, with dated slang and scatological humor spewed into the resulting void. Farts blast through the theater every time this poorly tooled movie begins to grind to a halt, desperately begging the audience for cheap laughs. Far from being another "Wallace and Gromit," the movie ends up being vacuous at best. If you're an anglophile, this movie is best forgotten.\nThe story is fairly straightforward. Doogal is a candy-loving canine who lives in a sun-soaked land of friendship and magic. When an evil sorcerer, Zebedee (Sir Ian McKellen), escapes from the carousel that imprisons him, four "unlikely heroes" must collect three magical diamonds before the sorcerer can use them to freeze the sun. Lessons are learned along the way, poop jokes are exchanged and a good time is had by everyone except the audience.\nThe advertisements are quick to proclaim the voice talents of Jon Stewart, Jimmy Fallon, Whoopi Goldberg, Chevy Chase and Kevin Smith. Holy crap, Kevin Smith! How could this movie be bad? What a cast! Unfortunately, "Doogal" proves that voice talent is only as good as the script. Yes, the lines are delivered well, but it's what they are saying that makes the audience cringe. \nThe dialogue is comparable to sitting through an episode of Cartoon Network's "Totally Spies," but with Sean Connery's line "You're the man now, Dawg!" from "Finding Forester" steadily looping in the background. That is to say, insufferably painful. "Doogal" is a movie for young children, who will fail to understand the passé references to M.C. Hammer, '80s hip-hop culture and "The Shining," which are riddled throughout the film. Though I found the CGI enjoyable, the animation is more comparable to an Xbox game or a straight-to-DVD release than a Pixar-style movie.\nAbout the only thing this movie has going for it is the short animated feature, "Gopher Broke," that precedes it. All in all, kids deserve a lot more than this.