Give me a break!

Yay! Spring break! Woo-hoo!\nWhat's that? It doesn't start for another week? No! Oh NO!\nFor the love of God, have mercy! Haven't we learned enough? There's been eight weeks of class already this semester! Some animals' lifespans don't last eight weeks. \nC'mon, let us take off early. Even Pharaoh freed the Israelites. Well, OK, the Israelites were escaping slave labor and there were plagues and stuff. But, there was sand involved. And if you'd just let us go, there could be sand involved too -- and waves, and sunbathing and bikinis. Like Charlton Heston says in that movie where he has a beard but doesn't fight apes: "Let my people go!"\nWeren't you folks ever young? Haven't you ever wanted to have a good time? Don't you know what it could be like? Haven't you ever watched MTV? We could be down at the beach house right now watching fourth-rate shock comics emcee gross-out competitions and pretending to enjoy Young Jeezy's stylin's. And that's just for the pretty, brainless, wealthy, well-connected ones among us. The rest of us could be off in some place with cheap drinks and lax local law enforcement, engaging in hijinks. Hijinks, I tell you! Like handcuffing drunken buddies to inflatable sheep, or crashing golf carts into swimming pools, or trying to outrun patrol boats off the coast of Cuba, or videotaping ourselves skiing the Matterhorn naked, or doing those extreme sports we saw on TV -- the ones they told us not to \nattempt!\nWe could be off doing service work or something -- like going to Costa Rica (beaches) to build hospitals (beaches) and orphanages (beaches) for disabled children (beaches). Why, just think of all the good that could be done if you let us off for spring break early! Many small countries depend on the money from spring break just to survive! The Bahamas is expecting 15,000 tourists alone (Bahama Journal, March 3). Let us take off a week early, and that'll be a whole week's worth of extra revenue to help the Bahamian economy. And if you don't think that'd make a difference, just look at Haiti. No spring breakers in Haiti -- and look how that has turned out!\nAnd everyone knows that spring break already began with Mardi Gras, anyway. It's tradition. It goes back to medieval times. In fact, it's a religious devotion. And it's patriotic -- what with trying to rebuild New Orleans and all. It's part of your civic duty. Put simply -- if you love this country, you'll let us take off early. And, if you don't -- well, you might as well move to Russia or something.\nWhat's more, we need this experience. College isn't supposed to just teach you about textbooks -- it's also supposed to teach you about life. And we need this to, you know, grow as people -- and totally find ourselves. Because we're the future. \nAnd I'm telling you right now -- the future wants to get drunk and go \ntopless.