Acclaimed film not worthy of praise or a rent

Never have I struggled the way I did with "A History of Violence" to figure out what the big damn deal is. David Cronenberg's film is the definition of a "critical darling," passionately landing on more than 150 top ten lists. But even after a second viewing I can't seem to piece together much of a logical explanation as to why anyone should see this movie. For starters, when I first saw this movie in the theater, the audience was laughing hysterically. And this isn't a comedy.\nTom Stall (Viggo Mortensen) owns a quaint diner in a small Midwest town, has a beautiful wife (Maria Bello) and some cute kids and is generally a well-respected man in his community. When two men attempt to rob the diner at gunpoint, however, mild-mannered Tom unleashes the fury of God's own thunder and kills the thieves. Understandably, no one in the town really sees that one coming, but Tom becomes a local hero. After appearing on TV following the incident, some mob characters start to visit Tom, prompting the audience and his family to question whether Tom is who he claims to be.\nThat's the first half, and while it would be unprofessional of me to disclose what you'll learn in the second half, allow me to say that it's pretty awful. Cronenberg is successful at creating an initially suspenseful atmosphere, and the action scenes of Tom defending his diner are well crafted, but you couldn't keep the entirety of this film together with industrial strength glue. It's like someone kneecapped this movie, and it had to limp through to the end. \nIt would be hard to pinpoint exactly what sends "A History of Violence" over the edge since the failure seems so sweeping. There is some extraordinarily hammy dialogue. There's also atrocious acting -- somehow William Hurt was nominated for an Oscar for what has to be one of the worst performances I've ever seen trapped on celluloid. Plus, there are some awkward and remarkably uncomfortable sex scenes between Mortensen and Bello.\nFor the DVD, Cronenberg does some director commentary, there's an hour-long documentary and a featurette detailing the differences between the U.S. version and the international version of the film (the U.S. version is watered down on the bloody violence). What is missing from the extra features is a pat on the back for making it all the way through the film. I say, turn this movie off after the first half and create your own ending. It's sure to be better than the one we're given. Or better yet, just don't rent this at all.