8:02 p.m. Priceless montage bringing together hosts of Oscar past. Crystal and Rock in a tent! Steve Martin's spooky kids! LETTERMAN!!!
8:05 p.m. Jon Stewart's opening monologue. Love the "Walk the Line is Ray with white people" joke.
8:13 p.m. Hilarious montage of scenes in classic westerns that could be misconstrued as gay. John Wayne's gonna tie you to the wagon wheel!
8:18 p.m. George Clooney wins Best Supporting Actor. Why are they still playing the lounge music? Clooney starting this off on a political note. It's good to be out of touch with middle America. How true.
8:24 p.m. Tom Hanks gets shot in the neck with a blowdart while attempting to persuade winners from making long acceptance speeches. He must forget his marathon acceptance speech for Philadelphia.
8:27 p.m.Ben Stiller fakes being on green-screen. Pretty funny bit. I wish most of his movies were that funny. KONG deservedly wins Best Visual Effects. Why are they still playing the music during speeches?!?!
8:35 p.m. Dolly Parton performs the song from Transamerica. Not bad. She maybe 60 or older, but she's still got talent.
8:41 p.m.- Stewart makes a Scientology joke. Somewhere, Cruise and Travolta fume.
8:45 p.m. Another awkward set of animated characters presenting an award. That trend needs to end.
8:51 p.m. Russell Crowe sucks it up after being snubbed this year and sternly introduces a montage of biopic films.
8:56 p.m. Will Ferrell and Steve Carell show up in horrible makeup jobs. It would've been funnier if they hadn't given the award to Jesus Narnia.
9:01 p.m. Stewart proposes pulling down the massive Oscar statue so democracy can flourish in Hollywood. Glorious. The technical awards are shown in retrospect, with Rachel McAdams being this years designated hot chick to get the techy nerds horny.
9:04 p.m. Best Supporting Actress goes to Rachel Weisz. Meanwhile, her husband Darren Aronofksy is up to more important business, perfecting his upcoming episode of LOST.
9:11 p.m. Lauren Bacall introduces a montage of film noir clips. She's eithersenile, drunk, or has recently had a stroke.
9:17 p.m.A nice set of Oscar politics ads clearly written by the Daily Show staff. So far I'm enjoying Jon Stewart's hosting immensely.
9:22 p.m. March of the Penguins wins Best Documentary Feature, even though the true winner is cleary Grizzly Man.
9:25 p.m. The song from Crash is performed, proving itself to be just as boring and formulaic as the movie.
9:32 p.m. Memoirs of a Geisha beats King Kong for Best Art Direction. The winner thanks Rob Marshall, saying Geisha is 100% Marshall's movie. Cut to Steve Spielberg scowling.
9:36 p.m. A montage of "important, hot-button issue" films. Congrats on the slam on FEMA, but shame for Oscar showing more clips of Driving Miss Daisy than Do The Right Thing.
9:42 p.m.- The President of the Academy takes some time to fellate theatre viewing over DVD. Purely unnecessary.
9:44 p.m. A freakishly hot Salma Hayek awards the Best Score award. Brokeback upsets Johnny Williams! I suppose it DID have the year's most emotionally resonant music.
9:56 p.m. A montage of EPIC films. More uncalled for DVD hatred. Nice shoutout to Apocalypse Now, though.
10:01 p.m. King Kong wins Best Sound Mixing. Andy Serkis should get an honorary Oscar.
10:09 p.m. After six minutes of mostly inspired rambling by Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin, Robert Altman accepts his Honorary Oscar. His films as sandcastles analogy is the night's most affecting moment so far.
10:14 p.m.- M. Night Shyamalan's American Express commercial premieres, sufficiently creeping me out and making me await The Lady in the Water even more.
10:18 p.m. Ludacris introduces tonight's rap song nominee. 3 6 Mafia get away with saying "bitch" and "shit" on live tv. Some random white guy is dancing with the onstage. 3 6 Mafia become the night's first and only winners to thank Jesus.
10:26 p.m.- More funny Daily Show Oscar politics ads. Sound Editing goes to King Kong as Jennifer Garner almost falls over walking out to present the award.
10:30 p.m. The annual In Memoriam tribute to the deceased. They forgot Don Knotts and Darren McGavin, but I guess they died too recently. Dead people to get the most applause= Richard Pryor, Robert Wise, Anne Bancroft, Shelley Winters, and Brock Peters.
10:40 p.m.- Stewart makes the night's most brutal but true joke. "Martin Scorsese- 0 Oscars. 3 6 Mafia- 1 Oscar."
10:42 p.m.- Crash wins for Best Editing, and the editor calls director Paul Haggis a "force of nature." If a pungent fart is a force of nature, then I agree.
10:45 p.m.- The Best Actor award gets doled out earlier than expected, with Phil Hoffman owning the competition. He's certainly the most nervous winner of the night, and also the most deserving so far (other than Kong for FX).
10:55 p.m.- Memoirs of a Geisha upsets Brokeback Mountain for BestCinematography. Could bad fortune be in store for the gay cowboys?
10:58 p.m. Reese Witherspoon wins Best Actress, the night's most predictable award. She can sing her own songs! Hooray for Reese. Joaquin was better in Walk the Line.
11:08 p.m. Dustin Hoffman and Uma Thurman announce the Best Adapted and Best Original Screenplay awards, with Brokeback and Crash winning respectively. Larry McMurtry is a wild man. Paul Haggis came out of a hack talent pool. I feel a Best Picture firestorm brewing.
11:19 p.m. Ang Lee nabs Best Director, the second most predictable award of the night. Fittingly emotional acceptance from a fittingly humble director.
11:23 p.m. Crash upsets Brokeback Mountain for Best Picture, officially nearly topping the ridiculousness of Shakespeare in Love beating Saving Private Ryan in 1998. The Oscars may have officially jumped the shark tonight, but the good news is while people will still be watching Brokeback years from now, no one will give a damn about Crash by May. I often wish the Oscars weren't so political, but tonight's show seems to have been a victim of reverse politics. The Academy honored Crash because it was the least controversial, safest, and most formulaic film of 2005.
