Barbecued blessings

Thanksgiving is approaching -- but the country doesn't seem to be in the spirit. Sure, we're all looking forward to stuffing ourselves and engaging in Mad Max-esque road rage -- but aren't we forgetting the deeper purpose?\nUpon establishing the official celebration in 1863, Abraham Lincoln wrote: "The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added ... (Thus) it has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and one voice by the whole American People."\nBut he only had to deal with the Civil War -- that's nothing compared to the problems we face today. Terrorism, avian flu, natural disasters, missing white girls ... This would seem the perfect time to try to look on the bright side and count what blessings we do have. \nWe as Americans, however, are badly divided. We need something to bring us together -- a national project, like JFK's 1962 challenge to put a man on the moon by the end of the decade. But space exploration is so passé. We need a different type of project -- one that solves a vital social problem. Therefore, allow me to make a humble suggestion:\nLast week, Montana held its first buffalo hunt in 15 years. A controversial decision, but necessary. The buffalo might be few, but being much smarter than cows, they threaten to lead the bovines in a Marxist-style ruminant revolution, like that George Orwell book where the animals take over the farm -- you know, "Green Acres." Anyway, this worthy effort faces a crucial problem: As we all know, killing a buffalo is only acceptable if you use every part. \nThus, I am calling for a crash program to develop technology and techniques capable of meeting the challenge of barbecuing a whole buffalo. Personally, I suspect the greatest hurdle is not the technology -- according to my estimates, in 10 years NASA could build a large enough slow-cooker for a mere $1.2 billion. No, it lies in devising the best recipes. How do you ensure the buffalo is tender, yet still juicy? Do you use a sauce or a dry rub? If a sauce, should it be tomato, mustard or vinegar based -- or something else? What combination of spices work best for buffalo?\nI admit that such a project might aggravate regional differences, bringing, say, Texans, Kansans, Tennesseans, Illinoisans, Louisianans, Missourians and others into conflict. And, yet, what better opportunity to celebrate our cultural diversity? For our nation is a great melting-pot of barbecue traditions. \nSure, there are other, lesser issues confronting us -- but we cannot allow ourselves to be distracted. Now is the time for bold action. Bold, smoky, barbecue-coated action.