Six degrees of allegations

Rafael Palmeiro has done it again. Just when I thought I was free of his finger pointing, forceful denials and 80s-style porn-stache, he jumped right back into the news. It was revealed last week that Palmeiro pointed out teammate Miguel Tejada as a possible reason why he tested positive for the steroid Winstrol earlier this year. Palmeiro claimed a shot of vitamin B12 he received from Tejada earlier this season must have been the cause of the positive test. Um ... Raffy? Give it up. We all know you cheated. Now please just go away, you're only making it worse for yourself.\nWhen I found out Palmeiro had been flagged for steroids, I had a flood of emotions. Initially, I was shocked, puzzled, in denial and then finally I just sat back and tried to enjoy it. Oddly enough, it was the same reaction I had to the Ralph Macchio cameo on "Entourage."\nWith his positive test, any credibility he had in baseball was gone. But by throwing his teammate under the bus, any credibility with his friends is gone too. Seriously, who would trust this guy now? He lied in front of Congress on national television. Can you imagine being his neighbor and lending him something? I see the retrieval of your property going something like this: "I never borrowed your lawn mower, period!"\nWhat I don't get is why everyone is so surprised Palmeiro was cheating. I mean, the guy has been a spokesman for Viagra since 2002, so he's been using performance enhancers for years. I also don't understand why everyone is saying he'll never be allowed into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Why not? He has the same right as anyone else, provided he pays the $14.50 entrance fee and takes the tour. I've heard it's a great family vacation.\nWith apologies to Pete Rose and Ricky Williams, nobody in the history of sports has flushed a Hall of Fame career down the toilet faster than Palmeiro. Earlier this season, he became only the fourth player in the history of baseball to record 3,000 hits and 500 home runs. If he had any respect for the game that had been so good to him, he would have retired before reaching that milestone. His name simply does not belong next to those of Hank Aaron, Willie Mays and Eddie Murray, and I hope Major League Baseball does the right thing and removes his name from the record books. \nThe real tragedy of the whole steroids issue is that I've actually started to like Jose Canseco. Aside from coming across as the only relatively normal person on "The Surreal Life," he has also been proven right on almost every player he named as a steroid user in his book. Canseco has done more to get steroids out of sports than anyone who came before him. He's become the Woodward and Bernstein of baseball.\nSpeaking of Canseco, I want to try something: Miguel Tejada was fingered by Rafael Palmeiro, who was named by Jose Canseco in his book. Canseco was once romantically liked with Madonna, who was in "The Next Best Thing" with Benjamin Bratt, who was in "The Woodsman" with Kevin Bacon. Man, that really does work for anybody.\nI have a solution to the Hall of Fame debate surrounding players like Rose, Barry Bonds and Palmeiro that could satisfy everyone. I think we should give them their plaques at Cooperstown ... then hang them in the men's room above the urinals like the sports section at Chili's.