It's that time of year again. The summer is fast approaching, but before you can return home and leave this endless sea of tests and term papers, you're forced to re-learn all of the knowledge you've spent the entire semester trying to forget. It's time to review for finals. \nWith that in mind and the fact that this is my last column of the school year, I'd like to take this opportunity to give you a little review of the semester. I realize this is a tall task, and I feel like I need to bring in the big guns and cap the year off right, so I've asked our venerable basketball columnist, Matt "Cakes" Glenesk, to join me in this great undertaking.\nPhillips: So Cakes, I'm really a huge fan of your writing and I'm really excited to be working with you.\nCakes: Glad to lend my expertise to your little column. After all, you are riding my coattails all the way to the top. \nPhillips: Uh, thanks, I guess. So the Bowl Championship Series left us with two teams claiming national championships yet again and...\nCakes: What are you saying? That you're better than me?\nPhillips: No, no, I was just trying to ask you what you thought the future holds for college football. \nCakes: No matter what, people will watch. Whether it's the BCS or a tournament, fans will want to be a part of the "national championship game," especially if there's controversy surrounding it. And hey, let's speed this up -- I've got places to be and people to insult. \nPhillips: Alright, I'll see what I can do. \nCakes: You do that.\nPhillips: Roy Williams finally got his national championship as North Carolina cruised to the title this year. \nCakes: You mean Huckleberry Hound?\nPhillips: Yeah, him. So after losing eight players to graduation and the NBA draft, can Carolina even be competitive in the ACC next year?\nCakes: It's North Carolina, they'll bring in people to plug the holes -- just like the Indiana Daily Student. Consider yourself a walk-on point guard, replacing Raymond Felton. \nPhillips: While I'm flattered by the analogy, let's move to one of my favorite topics, Nomar Hamm. I know you're a Cubs fan, how do you feel about the oft-injured shortstop, now that he's on the disabled list with a torn groin?\nCakes: I feel bad for Mia. Now that she's retired from soccer, what else is she going to do?\nPhillips: Well, like I always say, if you're gonna hurt a groin, make sure it's your own.\nCakes: Don't try to be funny. \nPhillips: Sorry, sir. This past weekend gave us the NFL Draft, who do you think the big winners and losers were this year?\nCakes: Arizona was this year's big winner. Any time they can get any player to go there it's a plus. They got Antrel Rolle to shore up the defense and J.J. Arrington, a guy my height, so I'm OK with that. \nPhillips: And the biggest loser?\nCakes: My girlfriend, for being deprived of my presence for 10 hours. This Adonis was busy recapturing the glory days, when sports came first.\nPhillips: So on draft day it was picks before chicks for you?\nCakes: OK, that was incredibly lame. \nPhillips: Well, what did you think about Maurice Clarett getting selected with the 101st pick by the Denver Broncos?\nCakes: I don't think that third-round money is going to cover all his attorney's fees. \nPhillips: Yeah, I mean this guy is in court more than Bobby Brown.\nCakes: Alright, you finally made a funny joke. Now if I were you I'd pull a Costanza and quit while you're ahead. \nPhillips: Hey, we're not finished --\n I still have a few more questions. Don't be a jerk and take off now. \nCakes: You calling me a jerk? I've read your stuff this semester, good luck filling my shoes, you no-talent hack.\nPhillips: Yeah, it's gonna be real tough squeezing into those size nines. \nCakes: Nine and a half!
So to wrap up the semester I'd like to say it has been a privilege writing for the IDS and its readers this year. And I'm looking forward to coming back in the fall since I've loved working with everyone on the staff ... except Cakes. He's a jerk.
