Affecting affection

For many people -- more than just couples -- Valentine's Day is far from an occasion to celebrate. For those of us, like myself, who are very much single, seeing the surrounding atmosphere dripping with romantic sentiment can be quite frustrating, even depressing.\nMany out there know, or have known at some point, the feeling that springs from being alone among couples who plainly exhibit affection. It can feel as if you're the only one in the universe who has no one to receive your affection.\nThis is because we live in a world where being single is viewed as something shameful and problematic. We are bombarded with such attitudes daily by the great advertising machine. Billboards, pop-up computer ads and even TV commercials tout lines like, "find a perfect match" (www.SingleMe.com), "find your special someone" (http://personals.yahoo.com) and "find your true love and life partner" (www.PerfectMatch.com).\nIf such services really could connect me with the woman who is perfect for me (and me for her), then why do they need to advertise and compete for effectiveness? The reason is simple: They do not actually do what they purport. They only make it easier to meet other people eager to not be single anymore. In doing so, they prey on the desperation that many are driven to by the mass media's equating singleness with social and personal ineptitude.\nThe problem, as I see it, lies not so much with those who are not in relationships as with those who are. Before I launch into my tirade, I wish to make it perfectly clear that I am in no way denying that true love does exist between many people. For many, if not most, however, "love" is merely a more socially acceptable term for "sex."\nBeing in love is not the strong logical and emotional bond that exists between two people of one mind as it is physical gratification. To them it is not sharing lives, feelings, thoughts, tastes and values so much as sharing the bed.\nThese misdirected affections can be seen all the time in couples who have no true bond between them and who really should not be together, yet they manage to always break up and gravitate back to a similar situation. They deserve pity more than anything, for they fear the loneliness of being single more than they value its freedom and opportunities to start anew. They would prefer the bonds of a loveless relationship.\nI am not generalizing specifics, either. The view of Valentine's Day having more to do with sex than love can be seen in tawdry examples like the survey conducted by Durex (for those of you not familiar with Durex, it's the British equivalent of Trojans). The survey spoke of "the pressure to have a wildly romantic experience for Valentine's Day" and analyzed the use of lubricant by Americans and gave advice for its Valentine's Day use.\nWhat happened to roses, chocolates and those candy hearts with the hackneyed messages on them? They've evolved into lubricant and God only knows what else. The "holiday" has degenerated from sweetness and kisses to hard-core debauchery.\nIn this way, the holiday is cheapened in the same way that sex cheapens love. I'm not saying that enjoying sex is immoral or unnatural, but it needs to be done within its proper context. When people take sex more seriously than they do love and imagine that love cannot exist without it, they cheapen love and make it pleasure-seeking and self-serving.\nIf this is what Valentine's Day has become -- nothing more than a crazed sex fest -- then those left out of its festivities ought not to feel so bad.