Be good to your momma

I sat alone, gazing longingly out of my dorm window onto the field below. Though I tried to concentrate on my work, the trees below began whispering seductively: "Come dangle on us Colin! You know you want to! You've always loved a good dangle. It feels so good." They were quickly followed by blades of talking grass: "Come on Colin. Smell my dew!"\nFinally, I gave in. I went outside and frolicked! Mid-frolic, however, I realized I was frolicking alone. Though the weather was beautiful, with the sky as blue as a gaggle of naked Smurfs, the only person out there "gettin' jiggy with nature" ... was me.\nIt was then that I realized it: We've all lost touch with Mother Nature! While as children we were deeply connected to her, climbing trees and building forts, we have since cut the umbilical cord and grown up, consequently detaching ourselves from her environmental placenta. \nAs we grew older, we began thinking with the "adult" mentality that "playing outside is for children" and "people who climb trees don't get laid." Rather than dumping these childish games, though, we digitalized them to make them seem more mature. Thefacebook, for instance, is merely an online form of playing tag. Only instead of running up and tagging friends via the playground, we are dialing up and "poking" them via the internet. Ironically, these mediums of connection seem to be disconnecting us from nature. Instead of getting up to explore the whole, wide world, we sit down and surf the World Wide Web. According to www.cnn.com, the average college student spends seven hours each day at a computer and watching television.\nSo now, in an attempt to compensate for our lack of outdoor activity, we have started to bring the outdoors inside. We buy potted plants. We use pictures of trees as computer backgrounds. And, of course, we buy "Mountain Mist" scented deodorant (because armpits just love the outdoors). \nWe use all sorts of products with outdoor fragrances. "Exotic Mango" scented Lysol. "Titillating Tulips" scented candles. Hell, even our britches are left smelling mountain fresh. We use these "natural" scents to rekindle our outdoor childhood memories. They're comforting aromas, like nasal security blankets. A guy on my floor, for example, uses a "Botanical Breeze" spray before (and hopefully after) he does "the big sit down" because he says, and I quote, "It's like I'm pooping in a meadow!"\nBut perhaps it's time we ask ourselves: Do these substances really bring us back to nature? Or simply dupe us into believing that we can purchase nature in a can?\nYou see, the problem with these "natural" replacements is that they have begun to alter our perception of nature. We forget the true smell of autumn, the feeling of sand between our toes, the sound of mating crickets ...\nI refuse to blame this problem on the media, though. Television and the internet may be addicting, like electronic narcotics, but we are the crack smokin,' acid dopin' Courtney Love-ish hippies who abuse them. So I suggest, instead of doing these digital drugs, you do some natural ones. Get high on the scent of pinecones and breathe in a big doobie of fresh air! \nReverse the cycle: Bring your indoor activities outside. If you need to study, do it under a tree. If you're walking to class, listen to the sound of birds chirping rather than your friend Tommy telling you over your cell, "Dude, I was so wasted last night! I had 89 shots and woke up half-naked in some guy's fishtank!" I'm not saying that you need to go pull a Henry David and live in the woods for two years. There's no need to be that Thoreau. Just go outside. Open your eyes. Open your ears. Exit instant messenger. Enter the real world. \nSo go ahead ... dangle away! Just remember to tuck in your shirt.