Un-United States

In 1915, geologist Alfred Wegener made a surprising discovery. By testing various fossil records, he was able to substantiate his theory that all seven continents used to be connected in one large land mass. He named the ultra, super-duper, mighty morphin' mega continent Pangaea -- Latin for "all the land." According to his calculations, massive eruptions in the earth's plates, geological indigestion if you will, first split the land into two separate regions more than 200 million years ago. \nBut now, 200 million years later, it seems as if history is metaphorically repeating itself, for I have begun to notice a similar division taking place in the field of American politics. \nIn the wake of Sept. 11, this country became more united than I have ever seen in my lifetime. It became a national Pangaea, tightly unified with patriotism. However, as the fighting in Iraq continues and the election for president draws nearer, it appears as if the country is becoming more and more divided. Which is why, in the view of political commentator Bill Maher, the Bush/Kerry election "could be the closest election in American history ... split right down the middle." \nAnd split this country is. We're very split. We're a freakin' banana split, we're so split. Unfortunately, as the gap between Bush and Kerry voters continues to widen, so has the mounting tension between Republicans and Democrats. It is for this reason that election debates are beginning to get dirty. Slinging of da' mud and verbal bitch-slapping have now become frequent forms of interaction between voters of opposite parties, both in the media and in everyday conversation. It's like the World Wrestling Foundation of politics. Now, not only are we in a literal conflict with Iraq, but also in a figurative conflict over the battle of the polls.\nSome people are so gung-ho in defending their candidate that it's almost frightening to reveal your own political stance in public. You might end up in the middle of a political feud with people suffering from PMS (Political Meanness Syndrome).\nI found a few people in desperate need of some mental Midol while eavesdropping on a conversation in the Read Center lounge the other day. A group of two boys and two girls were loudly arguing back and forth about the candidacy. As they quarreled, I began to hear them say things like: \n"What kind of loser would vote for Bush? He's a retard." \n"You're voting for Kerry? Go eat poop."\nTheir debate was completely barren of any real substance, and yet went on for nearly half an hour. Their mouths just kept spewing out uneducated waste, like they had caught a bad case of verbal diarrhea.\nNow I'm not trying to say you shouldn't form an opinion, but when you do form that opinion, you should remain respectful of others. Stay opened-minded about other people's political views and well-informed by reading about both candidates. \nIt's time that we begin curbing these "political tectonics" that are causing a rift in American society, because, ultimately, we all want the same exact thing: to help and protect the nation we all call home. We shouldn't think of ourselves as separated Democrats and Republicans, but as ultra, super-duper, mega-morphin' ... Republicrats! (Insert "Thundercats" theme song.) In other words, we must recognize that in a time of such political vulnerability, we should be merging together not splitting apart. It has proven true that "United we stand, divided we fall." Just look what happened to the Spice Girls.\nI beseech you all to heed the words of Simon & Garfunkel and begin to build a bi-partisan "bridge over troubled water." Only then will we have reconnected these now un-United States.